Made In Brooklyn

Eviction Notice!

2011-02-17T08:44:00.001-05:00

Made In Brooklyn has self-evicted from this space and is now loving it's new diggs!

Come on over and check it out!

working on something new....

2011-02-16T10:16:00.002-05:00

wanna see?

more details to come...

weekend

2011-02-14T08:59:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
Here's a bit of our weekend:

Andrew loves it when Dave gets out the projector, but he's more into winding the film through the machine and dancing around in front of movie than actually watching anything. He's almost able to get it all set up by himself at this point. Dave is so proud!

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We are trying to be better patrons of our local library. Now that we are learning from home, we need books now more than ever and instead of sinking a fortune into amazon, we are trying out the library route. On this trip Andrew found several books on volcanos...and so that will be our next unit in school. I'm pretty excited about it!
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Isaac is just absolutely beautiful. That's all.

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Andrew had an art show this weekend with the other kids that are in art class. We went a gallery were everyone had a framed piece on display. The theme of the show was "Love is". While other students drew family members holding hands, Andrew drew games from Dave's phone. Andrew is nothing if not authentic and unconventional. Though...family members holding hands would have been pretty nice.

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We went to the Brooklyn Promenade for a walk yesterday afternoon.

Isaac found a public pay phone and couldn't help but make a few pretend phone calls to Sir Topham Hatt.

And that was that. Hope yours was a good one!

thank you

2011-02-11T09:10:00.001-05:00

So, here we are, at the end of what turned out to be a pretty cathartic week for me. Thank you for seeing me through this. I definitely feel more peace about where I am right now, when I'm able to share it and bounce it off other people. For weeks I've been feeling a built up sense of angst. I wasn't sure where it was coming from and I didn't know what to do about it. But that sense of angst is gone. Now I just sort of feel normal...free-floating through my days.

The boys are doing really well lately. Andrew is one happy fellow right now and is getting great reports from his art teacher and therapists. For the first time I am embracing that taking him out of school was definitely the right thing to do. It felt like a huge risk at the time and now it feels just right.

And Isaac spent lots of time yesterday proving me wrong about his language. All kinds of things popped out of his mouth that surprised me. And so perhaps we're at the start of another wave.

More than anything, this journey has been a lot about me. Everyone else seems to have just rolled right along as events unfolded while I struggled and wrestled through it, coming to terms and trying to accept each nuance of this path. It's cracked me open and made me sort through old notions and expectations of what a meaningful, successful life looks like. It's made me see parts of myself that I didn't know were there: both parts that I am proud of, and parts that I am ashamed of. And I don't think I'd want to take that back if I could.

And so, my friends. Expect more to come. I am looking down the road at what will be a long, complex journey. And I'll probably end up sharing a lot of that here. But for now, let's take a down a few notches.

Let's talk about muffins.

I made these Whole Wheat Orange Muffins yesterday and they are fantastic.

Here's the recipe!

Whole Wheat Orange Muffins
1/2 cup softened butter
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
3/4 cup milk
1 cup oat bran
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 t baking soda
1/4 t salt
2 1/4 t baking powder
a couple of shakes of cinnamon
zest of one orange
3/4 cups chopped walnuts

Preheat oven to 350.
Cream butter and sugars. Add eggs. Mix. Add remaining ingredients. Mix some more!
Scoop batter into muffin tin.
Bake for 25 minutes.

Enjoy!
And thank you.

Isaac and autism

2011-02-10T07:30:00.001-05:00

And then we had Isaac.

Isaac is 2 1/2. He's 3 years younger than Andrew and I used to worry about how much Andrew's delays would affect Isaac. I worried about his experience growing up with a Special Needs brother.

I don't worry about that anymore.

Isaac just finished his own round of evaluations. He has the same categorical delays as Andrew: speech, sensory processing and social skills. He'll be starting school in September at the same Special Needs Preschool that Andrew went to. He'll be getting the same therapies probably by the same therapists that worked with Andrew.

Is Isaac autistic?

Maybe. I would guess that where Andrew might be straddling the spectrum, Isaac is a little more settled in. But, I haven't started down the road to diagnosis with him yet. I haven't even mentioned to Andrew's Developmental Pediatrician that Isaac will be heading her way soon. One step at a time.

For a long, long time Andrew and Isaac seemed so different to me. They still do, actually. They are very, very different. For a while I thought Isaac was more social because he could point and because he imitated us more. Andrew didn't really do those things. But, Isaac didn't know our names until last Fall. He knew the alphabet, the names of the Thomas trains and number up to 10 before he could say "Andrew".

Isaac's language comes in waves. This summer we got a big wave of language. He didn't use our names, but he was able to ask for basic things "open" "up" "help". And then in the fall, that wave receded and he stopped saying those things. He didn't ask for anything...he would just tug on my arm, pull me into place, while I guessed what he needed, begging him to tell me.

This past Christmas we got another wave of language. He repeated everything. Everything. "Juice, Isaac?" "yes. juice." "Put on your shoes?" "yes. shoes." And again, without warning, the wave receded. He's in another quiet period where, if we work hard, we'll get a few words a day.

This Fall, as I was putting together the pieces, as I was realizing that Isaac too has some serious delays, I lost a lot of sleep (and weight). I would cry in the middle of the day without warning. I could be doing laundry, thinking about something entirely different, and the tears would come. And I would stand there baffled, wishing that I could predict the tears. They'd often catch me in embarrassing situations. Those tricky tears.

And then, one day, I noticed that Isaac was trying to do one of Andrew's puzzles, but it was too hard for him. So, I went to the store and bought him a 24 piece puzzle. He absolutely loved it. At Thanksgiving I gave him a 35 piece puzzle to keep him busy during the day. And again, he was enraptured. He put it together and took it apart all day long. When the Occupational Therapist came to evaluate him a few weeks ago, she took out some puzzles. I told her that he has a few 35 piece puzzles and she was shocked. Shocked. She said "that's ridiculously advanced". She told me that on average, 6 year olds tackle 35 piece puzzles, not 2 1/2 year olds.

And I have to tell you, I cling to that. Isaac is ridiculously advanced at puzzles. I don't know why but the whole puzzle phenomenon was a game changer for me. I sleep better and I cry less....all because of those silly puzzles.

I feel more or less settled about Andrew's future. I feel like we still have a lot to iron out, but I see him mainstreaming at some point. Joining his quirky self with his peers in a typical classroom. Going to college. Getting a job. But Isaac? I just don't know. I don't even have a good guess. Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. I don't know. And I'm just trying to stay open to that. I'm trying to sink down into the not knowing and just accept that I don't know. I want to be open and ready for whatever it is.

My mom told me once "Isaac will surprise you." And I think she's right. And the more I accept that I don't know, the more he'll surprise me. I said this yesterday about Andrew. I said that I feel a wild mixture of luck and fear. And I feel that same mix with Isaac, except maybe a little more so. I LOVE Isaac. There are times I want to pinch myself because I feel so lucky to have this absolutely darling little boy in my life. There is so much about him that I just find painfully adorable. And I thank my lucky stars that I get to be his mama.

Often I look at him and I think that he's just being him. He doesn't know what he should or should not be doing. He's just being. He just is. He doesn't care about milestones or comparisons or delays. He's just being the best little him that he can be. And when I notice that, when I stop and let myself see it, I see that not only is he doing a damn fine job, but I can see that he's knockin' it outta the park.

As I was working on publishing this this morning, Isaac said to me, "uh oh! tracks, broken!" Which serves me right for saying we only get a few words a day. Here it is, not even 8 in the morning and he's started the day with a sentence. Which makes me think I should talk about how little he talks more often. I love it when he proves me wrong. ;)

Andrew and autism

2011-02-09T09:00:00.000-05:00

I've been reading more on autism. And doing so has made me want to write more on autism. In fact, as I write this, dinner is boiling away on the stove, the kids are parked in front of the TV and I've warned Dave that I am going into hiding because I am dying to write about autism.

I've been hesitant to write about autism for several reasons. One major reason is that I worry about my writing's effect on Andrew. I worry about him finding these entries and being upset by them. I worry about his future classmates finding these entries and teasing him. I'm not sure what to do about that right now, but it's definitely on my mind.

I'm also worried about the various responses people will have. I worry that people think that I'm trying to find something to blame Andrew's sometimes-strange behavior on. I worry they think he's not really autistic and that I am exaggerating, trying to cover up my inept parenting. But I also worry that people see Andrew more clearly than I do and what is remarkable and insightful to me seem dull and obvious to others. Basically, I feel vulnerable.

But, I really, really want to do it. I want to face this. And I want to face it publicly. I don't want to wonder what people are guessing anymore. I just want to share and talk and write and be out with it already. Plus, I've heard from all kinds of readers about struggles they've been having with their kids, which further motivates me to move forward.

Is Andrew autistic?

Officially, no. He's not. I've been talking more and more with his Developmental Pediatrician about this. The schools that we are looking at for him, the schools that she is recommending, are for kids with high-functioning autism. She is hesitant to diagnose him, she tells me, because he's borderline. And lots of kids that exhibit characteristics of autism as young children, get 'better'. The funny thing is therapy often works. She tells me she's diagnosed kids that within a few years don't exhibit the same signs at all, and then she wonders why she diagnosed them in the first place.

We're meeting with her again soon. His Education Plan is up for review in a few months and right now he's listed as "speech disorder", which just doesn't fit at all. And might not be enough to get him into the schools that could really help him. And so she's weighing the pros and cons of giving him a more specific diagnosis.

But really, is he autistic?

I don't know. Some days I look at him and don't see anything at all that's atypical. Other days I can't believe how autistic he is. And his teachers and therapists have reported the same thing. Some days he's here. He's with us. He's in the game and ready to play and batting home runs. Other days, he's not. He's in his own world. He's in his head and mindlessly repeating lines from movies, and saying nonsense words and he can't hear anything I say. It's such a wild variance that I've tracked his diet, his sleep, his activity levels to see if I could find any clear patterns. What makes him retreat into himself? And how do I get him out?

Right now, it helps me just to think, "yes. he's mildly autistic." Oddly, it keeps me calm and helps me work with him more constructively and patiently. It changes my approach and makes me more effective.

Though, I have to say, that can be really hard.

I think that Andrew's 'borderline' diagnosis has it's own set of hardships for me. A lot of people don't see anything different about Andrew at all. But at this point, he can't learn in a typical classroom. It's just too overwhelming for him right now. And so the schools see his differences clearly. I often feel like I am juggling back and forth between people that see and people that don't. And that often feels like a tricky position to be in and one that I'm learning to navigate.

And maybe Andrew's pediatrician is right. In a few years, maybe the things holding him back now, won't be holding him back anymore. Maybe a diagnosis wouldn't fit at all and we'll be scratching our heading wondering why we ever thought he was autistic in the first place. But, I feel like, even so...even if Andrew gets to the place where the rest of us are...where he learns to cope with what is hard for him in more socially acceptable ways...and his language and social skills catch up..even so...right now people are looking at him wondering if he's autistic. Even if in the end, everyone decides he's not, this is still really happening. People are looking my son trying to decide if he's autistic. This might end up being just a brush with autism...but still...it's a brush with autism...and for me, it's having a profound inpact.

I'm reading Not Even Wrong by Paul Collins. It's a book I tracked down after hearing Collins interviewed on NPR. It's been really, really, really good for me to read it. Honestly, there is a lot about autism that I love. Crazy, right? I mean, when I read these cases of 'autists' with their strange obsessions and quirks, it makes my heart sing. There is something absolutely endearing to me about quirky people. I love, love, love, love, love them.

And so I find myself in this tangled mess. Loving and resenting the things that make Andrew atypical. Feeling so incredibly lucky and feeling heart-pounding fear... at the exact same time.

And if you made it the end of this post: congratulations! ;) Perhaps the photos of Mississippi Mud Bars powered you through. These babies were fantastic and found in Passion for Baking, of course.

Andrew sure loved them.

compare

2011-02-08T08:00:00.001-05:00

In school Andrew and I have been doing an extensive unit on the weather. He's been interested in weather for a while now and a friend of mine recently gave him a Solar System book that renewed his interest in Outer Space (Thanks Marlorie! We love it!).

So last week, in a stroke of teaching genius, I combined weather and the Solar System for a few days. We read about how the Earth's orbit around the sun is what makes the seasons change. He latched onto this idea and sucked the very marrow out of it. I read him a simple story that unfolds over the four seasons and we set up a model Sun and Earth for him to use while I read the story. He put the Earth on one side of the sun for "Spring" and as the seasons changed in the story, he slowly moved the Earth a quarter of the way around the Sun until it was "Summer". He continued moving the Earth for the rest of the book, hitting the marks for each season as I read. I could tell as he was doing this that he totally understood this weirdo, abstract concept.

On Friday, I took the focus of our weather lessons from Science to Literacy. I read him a very simple book about a girl building a snowman and then at the end of the story I asked him, "Andrew, is there anything in this book that reminds you of something that YOU'VE done?" Good readers, I used to tell my students, connect their lives with the text and connect the text with their lives. My students never, ever had a hard time with this line of questioning. It was as natural to them as breathing. Not so with Andrew.

He squirmed. He paced back and forth at the table. He whined. He argued with me about the question. He wanted to answer it, but it was painful watching him try. There was no clear cut answer. He could not say "no, nothing like that has ever happened to me" because that's not true. He has built a snowman. But he couldn't say yes either. His experience was SOOO different from the book. HOW could he POSSIBLY answer this question?

I gave him a piece of paper folded in half and asked him to draw something that happened in the book on one side and something that happened to him on the other side. Then I left him to go make lunch.

He came in the kitchen a little while later with two snowmen drawn: one right side up (on the book side) and one upside-down (on his side). We talked more about how different his experience was from the book. Parts were the same and parts were different. And that that's okay. It's not going to be exactly the same. It can't be.

It was fascinating to me to watch this boy, who a few days before was able to demonstrate the earth's orbit affecting our seasons, not be able to make a simple comparison with this simple book. And not only was it hard for him to do it, it made him upset to try. He didn't just say "I don't know", or ignore me, or go with a non sequitur, his favorite you've-asked-a-weird-question response. He wrestled fiercely with it wanting to answer and not wanting to answer at the same time while I just sat there watching him.

I am so cruel.

One of the things I really like about homeschooling is how individualized it is. I can teach Andrew at his level and I can teach him about the things that interest him. We can dissect the universe and learn obscure facts about Jupiter's moons and really dive into the things that he enjoys. And then, when he least expects it, I can pull one of my tricks. One of my let's-take-about-books-in-an-abstract-way doozies. And send him reeling. Just a little. Enough to stretch him the littlest bit. And then safely return to facts about the sun's temperature.

He may never be well-rounded. He'll probably always prefer science, math and logic to literary analysis and second language learning, but it won't be for lack of me trying. I feel pretty stubborn about this kind of thing.

Andrew and I made this paper mache Earth as a model to use to talk about the Earth's poles, spin and orbit. We are planning on covering it in clouds and showing what the weather is like in different parts of the world right now.

weekend

2011-02-07T08:00:00.005-05:00

This weekend we went into Chinatown for Chinese New Year. It didn't quite go as planned. Most of our time was spent looking for bathrooms and then trying to comfort an inconsolable Isaac. We finally grabbed a cab to take us home, which sure enough, cheered Isaac right up. In between bathroom sleuthing and cab hailing, we did launch a few fireworks.

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During the week I find the noise of the TV stressful. I want if OFF OFF OFF. But on the weekends, it doesn't bother me as much. And when it is so calming for Isaac, I become a HUGE supporter of excessive amounts of TV.

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Sadly, this week Isaac discovered that when you launch Buzz Lightyear from the top bunk, his arms will fall off. Now Buzz looks a little sad and battle-worn, but when I try to play to Andrew's soft side with my "Poor Buzz Lightyear. He looks so sad now." Andrew looks at me and logically replies, "Mom. He's a toy." Buzz is still getting lots of playtime despite his new look.

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Come to think of it, Gordon is broken too. And he still gets lots and lots of love.

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Dave and Andrew went for a walk this weekend and walked past a run-down Victorian near us. Dave asked Andrew what he thinks happened to that house. He told Dave, "I think a baby lived there and messed it all up." hmmm...like a baby that might throw Buzz Lightyear off the top bunk? That kind of baby?? What exactly does he think Isaac is capable of? Yikes!

ABC Thursdays: volumes T & X

2011-02-03T08:34:00.001-05:00

It's the home stretch, folks! I have 3 entries left, a title page and a wrap up and this baby will be done! I am doing lots of creative cheating with these last entries. For example: Mad Men is under "x". But right now it's more about getting what I want in there and filling up letters than having a clean alphabetic fit. And so with that, here are T and X:

Through This Door
My friend Marti started a blog called Through This Door a few years ago, and what was once her private blog has become a small community. We treat it like a communal journal, recording secrets and confessions and fears and celebrations. It’s been a critical tool for me over the last few years as I’ve struggled with understanding the path that’s unfolded with my kids. The title of the blog is based on this poem:

Prospective Immigrants, Please Note
A poem by Adrienne Rich

Either you will
go through this door
or you will not go through.

If you go through
there is always the risk
of remembering your name.

Things look at you doubly
and you must look back
and let them happen.

If you do not go through
it is possible
to live worthily

to maintain your attitudes
to hold your position
to die bravely

but much will blind you,
much will evade you,
at what cost who knows?

The door itself
makes no promises.
It is only a door.

eXcessive Homemaking
I spend a lot of time homemaking. So much of my day is tending to little tasks that, if I let slip, will easily turn into large projects. Right now my major homemaking tasks are: the laundry, picking up toys, washing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom and preparing food. And most days I tend to each of those tasks every few hours. It’s the kind of work that I have to do over and over and over again. I definitely have my days when I’m in a rut and I just don’t want to do it. But usually I end up doing the tasks without even thinking about it. It often feels like a dance: a dance that can feel light and easy and a dance that can feel dizzying and endless. Some days I regret all the work. I wonder if I would be a better mother if I could let go of some of the homemaking. So many times when faced with playing trains with Isaac and wiping down the bathroom (again), I tend to the bathroom while Isaac plays alone. I know mothers that easily let the bathroom go and choose to spend that time with their kids, and sometimes I can do it, but not usually. Sadly, I don’t think that this area of my life is one that I’ll be able to achieve some kind of balance. I’m just too tightly wound. But, the upside is that our home is usually clean.

eXcellent TV: Mad Men
Mad Men makes me so uncomfortable. I get so mad at the characters. We have to fast forward through hard scenes and then after the show talk through how I am actually NOT Betty Draper. But I absolutely love it. The story is just incredible. The set and characters are so well crafted. It’s just dang good TV.

chocolate chip bars

2011-02-02T09:08:00.001-05:00

Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars

2 3/4 c flour
2 1/2 t baking powder
1/2 t salt
2/3 c butter, melted
2 1/4 c brown sugar
3 eggs
1 t vanilla
2 v chocolate chips (I used mini)
1 c chopped walnuts

Preheat oven to 350.
Grease 9x13 pan.
Combine butter and sugar.
Add eggs and vanilla. Mix.
Add flour, baking powder, salt. Mix.
Add chocolate chips and walnuts. Mix.

Smush into 9x13 pan. Bake for 24-26 minutes. Don't overbake! A toothpick in the center will not come out clean. As the cookies cool, they'll set and you will not get gooey bits in the middle. You will get lovely, moist bars.

These were amazing. MAKE THEM!

I keep hearing that my photos haven't been consistently visible! Stink! Hopefully I can get that sorted out soon and sorry for that hiccup! Sooo frustrating! I really hope you can see today's bars. If you can't, just trust me that they are gorgeous, get yourself to the nearest kitchen and make them! Sooooo yummy!

Sarah Palin

2011-02-01T09:26:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was talking to my mom about all this Andrew what-not. I was giving her updates on phone calls and what this person said and what that person thinks. My poor Mom. Anyway, part way through the phone call my mom said, "you're a mama grizzly!" and then, "wait. Do you even know who Sarah Palin is?"

"Mom. I watch Saturday Night Live. Of course I know who Sarah Palin is."

weekend

2011-01-31T08:00:00.001-05:00

1. Snow! This has been the best winter ever!

2. Batman. My brother gave the boys this Bat Cave for Christmas and they play with it daily. This weekend it got a lot of use.

3. On Sunday afternoon we went to the Hall of Science with our friend, Ben. Andrew told us that the part of the museum that he liked the least was the exit.

4. After the museum we stopped by Kirsten's and saw our little friend, Tess. In this picture she is saying "cheeeeeese!"

As we settle into our weekday routines, I feel like we are also settling into a weekend groove too. I feel like my weekdays are filled from morning to night with all kinds of things. So on the weekends I make sure to take more time to sit and read and not really cook and make sure I rest. But I also want a smidgen of adventure since our weekdays are quite home based. And so we've been targeting museums and snowy parks and indoor play areas. I really like weekends right now.

pie for friday

2011-01-28T07:36:00.000-05:00

ABC Thursdays: volumes R & V

2011-01-27T08:27:00.000-05:00

Reading
I really like having a good, thick novel waiting for me at my bedside table at the end of the day. I like certain genres of books (historical fiction, coming-of-age fiction, fiction, fiction, fiction), but I usually pick a book based more on the writing style than the genre. I also read cookbooks, craft books and how-to books. I’ll read the occasional parenting book, though I often find them stressful and loaded. I am thinking about switching my book reading to an electronic reader because after I’m finished with a book it seems so much easier to push ‘delete’ than to find a place to put it.

Replacing Strollers
When Andrew was born I was convinced that we would be leaving Brooklyn very soon and that I didn’t need an urban mama stroller. I wanted something more suburban: easily collapsible, less expensive but bulky, matching car seat. Looking back, it was a silly move. I should have gotten the more expensive, sleek, light-weight workhorse my friends all have. About a year and a half into suburban stroller ownership, our stroller fell apart right under Andrew. I replaced our suburban stroller with the only logical choice, another suburban stroller. I’m not entirely clear why I made that choice, but I remember standing in the store, debating stroller models, and was ultimately seduced by a considerably lower price and a large and welcoming cup holder. That stroller lasted a couple of years as well and has since been replaced twice over. We are now on stroller number 4 with still at least another year or so of heavy stroller use in our future. Here’s hoping this one lasts.

Vermont
When I am not in Vermont, I tell people that that is where I am from. But when I lived there, everyone knew that I wasn’t really from Vermont. I moved to Vermont in the 6th grade, after my father retired from the Air Force. I went to a private high school that everyone in the town went to because the town paid the tuition (a set-up that is VERY New England). I learned to drive in Vermont, in the winter, with a clutch. When we moved there, there was still 4 digit dialing, and my parents only recently got a street address because only recently did the area get 911 services. I like going back to Vermont and I LOVE that my kids’ grandparents live there. But I’m not sure I could move back at this point. There’s something about it that just doesn’t seem to fit me and I’m not really sure why.

Vacation, beach
Every summer my parents rent a house in Ocean City, New Jersey for a few weeks and my brother, sister and I bring our families and take advantage of my father’s generosity. This beach vacation has meant different things to me over the years. When I was teenager, it was a hassle. When I was a young adult, I wanted to stay longer, but couldn’t. When I had just Andrew, it was fantastic. When I had both kids, it got a little more stressful, but was still very important. Every year, when I go, I notice all these changes in myself. When I walk down the same boardwalk, passing the same custard stands and t-shirt shops the sameness of the routines and traditions reflect back to me my changing self. And I guess I really like that.

jammies

2011-01-26T08:18:00.000-05:00

I made these pajama pants two years ago. I made them for a 3 1/2 year old and an 8 month old and when I saw that they were no where close to fitting, I chose to stash them in a drawer rather than try to adjust anything. I had all but forgotten about them when Saturday night, a babysitter found them and put them on the boys for bed. Andrew, especially, thought it was hilarious that there were no holes for his feet.

And so now, my work from 2 years ago is paying off. Pretty amazing that I was two years off in size in both pairs, right? I mean, if you are going to mess up, do it right. Right?

We are getting more snow today and hoping to head to Newark for Science and Kinship this afternoon. Hope yours is a good one.

Isaac

2011-01-25T08:30:00.000-05:00

- loves, loves puzzles. He's actually, a rockin' puzzle champion.
- hates getting dressed in the mornings. He cries until the new shirt is on. Doesn't like that morning shirtless feeling at all.
- but will undress himself as much as he can if it means getting in the bathtub.
- still plays trains daily.
- has started building more with blocks.
- still does not say a whole lot.
- was looking for me yesterday in every room and under the beds while I was out with a friend.
- was a wild screech monkey when I got home, jumping from furniture and laughing wildly.
- was up last night running around at 3 in the morning turning on the lights. And we have no idea why.
- is a wild, tiresome adventure. I love him tremendously.

I made these cookies this weekend from the King Arthur Flour Cookie Companion and when asked about the cookies Isaac swore he never saw any cookies. What cookies?

quiet

2011-01-24T08:16:00.000-05:00

We had a very quiet weekend. Even my camera was quiet. And honestly, I am craving adventure. I've been googling things like "vacation to Saskatchewan" "arctic adventure with kids" and then more reasonably "indoor water parks near NYC". I just want to GO right now. And I want to Go Winter. I want to wander around in snowy woods and breathe it all in and let that air clear my head. I'd love to go snow-shoeing or cross-country skiing, but then how do you bring little ones on adventures like that? I'm sure it's done (Loralee?), I'm just not sure how. And I'm not sure I can do it in an indoor water park. But I'm at the point where adventure is adventure and even silly adventure would fit the bill.

I wonder if this is a case of cabin fever, urban edition. Could be. So, I'm on the lookout for fun and if you see anything good or have any good ideas, let me know.

Speaking of silly adventure, and no Day Out With Thomas did not pay me to say this, but this weekend in September was heart-soaring lovely. More of this, please.

justin

2011-01-21T08:36:00.000-05:00

I don't particularly like going to get my haircut. I always feel a little anxiety about it. I don't like how you have hold your head during the uncomfortable hair-washing, I don't like thinking of chit-chat to exchange with the hairdresser, and when it comes to tipping, I always feel like I am doing it wrong. But, it was time.

So last night after dinner, I walk over to my salon and go in an sit down on the bench to wait. There is a man sitting next to me. He is very excited. He's rocking back and forth a little and rubbing his knees.

"I know you!" he says to me.
"you do?" I smile.
"Did you ride the bus here?"
"no. I walked."
"There goes the bus! I wonder where that bus goes."

The man getting his haircut nearby says, "Justin, stop."
I smile and say, "it's okay!"

"I want to be a fireman when I grow up!"

Justin and I talk while the man finishes getting his haircut. I learn that Justin just got a new ipod, that he likes hip-hop, baseball and that he really wants to be a fireman when he grows up. While he and I talk, the other people in the salon join in here and there. The hair-washing woman walks by and laughs with Justin about something. The man cutting hair joins in too.

Then it's time for Justin to go. The hair-washing woman helps him get his coat on. Justin swears under his breath about something and then apologizes over and over to the man that cuts hair. "are you mad at me, Joe? I'm sorry."

Then Justin leaves. And the group of us that a minute ago were chatting and laughing go back to our regular roles. I sit quietly waiting. The hair-washing woman sits down with a newspaper, until it's time to wash more hair. The man that cuts hair starts drying the hair of another customer. No one is talking anymore. And I went back to feeling nervous about my impending haircut. The change was remarkable.

Yesterday the boys and I made a Valentine's banner. I made a potato stamp for Isaac to use. He loves paint and mess, so he was in charge of stamping hearts.

And Andrew, who hates paint and mess, cut hearts out of paper.

And that was that.
Have a lovely weekend!

ABC Thursdays: volumes J & L

2011-01-20T07:47:00.000-05:00

Johnstons
Susan and I met just after I graduated from Gordon. She and I have a mutual friend, Erin, who introduced us. We got to know each other pretty well in the 2 years that Dave and I lived in Salem before we moved to New York. Our lives have changed a lot in the last 8 years. She is married and has 4 children and recently moved to Newark. I am married with 2 and have been settling more and more into Brooklyn. We each have kids that are distinctly atypical in their own ways. Lately we have been seeing a lot more of Susan and her family. Once a week we’ve been getting together to bake or work on art projects or science experiments. Our kids get along really, really well…something that I’m surprised at and grateful for. And really, I just like being with Susan herself. Seeing Susan and her family has become pretty important to me. I just wish the tolls on the drive to Newark weren’t so expensive!

Jacques Torres
It’s probably not entirely accurate to say that it’s a daily indulgence. Near daily is closer to the truth. Perhaps we could even narrow it more according to season. Near daily in cooler weather. Always on rainy days. Often on snowy ones too. I’ve even tried to find ways to have it iced in the summer, but it’s not quite the same, so I’ve given up on that. So, near daily in cooler weather, around 2 or 3 in the afternoon I warm some water on the stove, scoop some fancy Jacques Torres hot chocolate mix into a large mug and indulge. Oh my. It is so good.

Learning At Home
About a month after I wrote the entry “Kindergarten, my son is in” things shifted dramatically. Little problems began to snowball until Andrew started melting down in the classroom like we have never seen before. So, at the end of November, at the advice of his Developmental Pediatrician, I took him out of school and applied for homeschooling approval. I am planning on working with him from home until I find a classroom that is specifically geared towards kids like Andrew.

I find this a scary position to be in. I am constantly second-guessing myself. I have heard over and over again that Special Education in this city is a battle and that we need to be battle-ready. That parents have to fight for their kids to get what they need. There are so many days when I wonder if I have it in me.

But, I really enjoy teaching Andrew. I really like our lifestyle right now. We have a scheduled, structured day. He is still getting his therapies twice a week. He goes to Art Class on Mondays. And at home, he’s clipping right along with his reading, writing and math. My background in teaching is coming in quite handy, not only because I feel comfortable with the material I want to cover, but I also find the process so interesting. I love watching kids learn, my kids especially.

Live, Saturday Night
Kirsten Wiig is so dang talented I cannot even believe it.

kindness: mid-January

2011-01-19T10:01:00.000-05:00

Things I've noticed about kindness lately:

1. Going out with friends is kind. Connecting and following up and caring is kind. I can get shy about that kind of thing and pushing away that shy-ness and taking the risk is kind. Being social is kind.

2. Hiding in my room to give my family a break from Robyn The Grouch: very, very kind. Perhaps an award-winning move. Being anti-social is kind.

3. Whenever I have to rush somewhere I am not kind at all. Giving myself some extra time? kind. And then when I am late, trying my darndest to not care and tell myself that it's alright to be late? It usually helps. Trying to do it right is kind. Forgiving myself when I don't is kind.

4. Kindness is knowing that not everyone is going to agree with every decision you make and just letting that be.

Am I any kinder than 2 weeks ago? Nope.
Have I learned more about kindness. I think so.

(Mommy) School

2011-01-18T12:36:00.000-05:00

Today in school:

1. Andrew looked up the weather and temperature on the internet and recorded it in his notebook. He has a line graph of the temperature that he's been working on and a chart where he records the state of the sky and the types of clothes we might need outside each day.

2. I wrote Andrew a letter. We've been working on the -ing and -y word endings and both types of words were in his letter. First he had to look for those kinds of words and we recorded them on a list. Then we wrote other -ing and -y words on the list. I pointed out that the letter would have a few tricky words that he doesn't know yet. I wrote them on a wipe board and had him find them. THEN, he read the letter. He read it a few times and then we talked about what the letter said.

3. We've been working on using counting beans in math. I painted one side of the beans brown and the other side red. Then I would give him a set of 6 or 7 or 8. He would shake them up and spill them out and record all the ways there are to make 6 or 7 or 8 (3 red beans and 5 brown beans is 8 beans. 2 red beans and 6 brown beans is also 8 beans).

4. He finished a story he was working on. He's written about 5 stories so far. The latest one is called "Snowballs". It goes something like this: "Mommy! Watch out for snowballs! The snowball crashed. It crashed into 2 pieces. I threw another snowball. The snowball crashed. It crashed into 4 pieces. It crashed into Mommy." For these stories, he sketches out the pictures by himself. Then together we work on recording the words. The little words he more or less knows and can write by himself. The bigger words I sound out and he writes down the sounds he hears. I wish his writing was more independent and I'm not sure if it's not independent because I tend to hover, or because he really does need lots of redirection to stay on task for writing. My students would be able to do this independently and Andrew really can't yet. I'm trying to figure out what to do about that.

5. We read a book called Snow. First we looked through the book to figure out the setting of the story. We figured out it takes places in a city in the winter and that it mostly takes place outside. Then we tried to figure out some of the plot from just the pictures. Then we read the book. I used to have my students make "Text To Self" connections. Like, "this book reminds me of a time that I thought it was going to snow..." etc. But Andrew really struggled with that. The book is clearly pretend and he kept explaining over and over that nothing like this happened to him because the book is pretend. I think I need to back up and talk more about real versus pretend before I work on these connection pieces.

And not in (Mommy) School:
We made scones this morning! Andrew had to find "1 cup" and "2/3 cup" on the measuring cup. He read some of the ingredients and we talked a lot about 'zest' and what it is.

Andrew got his flashlight and held it up to all kinds of things to see what it would shine through and what it wouldn't. It shines through his hand, but not his foot. The netting of the trampoline, his shirt, my hair, but not the wall. Some plastic, but not all plastic. And it shines right through the juice. Even lights it up a little.

Sometimes I panic that we are not doing enough so I wanted to write down what we are doing to remind myself that we are doing enough. That he is learning plenty. That he is still on track academically. And he is. He really, really is. He works hard (except for that tricky writing part!) and he's coming right along. Homeschooling him is certainly not ideal. I just can't fill the social hole like lots of other homeschooling moms can. And man oh man do I hover. I need to relax a little and let him independently figure things out. So, it's not ideal, but it's pretty dang good for now. I really enjoy it and he has not asked about school in ages.

So, that's where we're at.

These scones are great! They are Carrot Cake Scones. I made them to get some veggies into Isaac. He'll never see it coming, I tell you! Guess where the recipe is from!

long weekend

2011-01-17T20:13:00.000-05:00

1. Last Thursday morning, my friend Susan gave birth to little Gregory. I spent some time on Friday with her family and even got to hold the new guy so Susan could eat some dinner. Such a sweet little bundle of person. They just don't seem real at this size, do they? Blows my mind every time. And then I walk around later looking at all the grown ups everywhere thinking, "you used to be that little too". Wild.

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2. Mazes have been replaced with lots and lots of building. Andrew spends almost of all of his free time building things. And we hear lots of "I can't find the missing piece!" which is usually hiding under the couch or a bed or sitting right in front of him in plain view. But other than hunting down those darn missing pieces, he does this by himself. He follows the directions to the T and eagerly shows off his finished creation. The set shown here is the erector set that we gave him at Christmas. It makes all kinds of things, but today he used it to make a robot.

And the robot, instead of moving in a straight line as we expected, spun in circles.
And you have no idea how hilarious that is.

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3. Puzzles are just rad. That's all.

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4. Today we went to this museum. It just reopened after a long, long reconstruction project. Today was free and therefore crowded. Isaac didn't last long at all, so he and I retreated to a nearby Starbucks while Dave and Andrew checked the place out. As you can imagine, this is right up Dave's ally. And so, right up Andrew's too.

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5. And then to kill time while waiting for dinner to get here, Isaac broke out the Tato Heads and built a little something of his own.

And in a moment of embarrassing transparency let me tell you that I spent most of today irritable and grouchy. And in an effort to pursue kindness, I locked myself in my bedroom and read for over an hour to give my family a break from myself. And to give me a break from myself as well. Sometimes I wonder how the heck they put up with me. I hate being grouchy. But the time alone reading seemed to do the trick. And it seems I've been forgiven on all fronts. phew.

I hope you all had a lovely long weekend and are ready for a back-at-it Tuesday! onward and onward!

January

2011-01-14T08:31:00.000-05:00

Last night I realized that I love January.

It started last Sunday. We got home from church and I immediately thought "ok! Some time! What needs to get done?!?" and after wandering the apartment and checking my planner and scratching my head I realized, "nothing." Nothing needed to get done. I could park my tush on the couch and read. So I did.

Then again, later this week, after Dave and I bustled through the dinner and bedtime routines I wandered, checking lists and schedules. There must be something. There is always something. But there wasn't. The projects are done. Having to strategically schedule my time is a seasonal endeavor. Some seasons are jam packed. Some seasons are light and airy. I am in a season of light and airy scheduling and I welcome it.

I am hoping that it means I can slow down and dabble more with little things. Try out some new this and that. Spend more time with train tracks and playdough and legos. And have more idle time. I've been inspired by this blog I've found and I want to try out something like this.

Sweet, clean January. You're totally the bomb.

Getting around to some birthday photos from last May! Can't help but be reminded that soon he'll be three! but...not quite yet. We still have some time.

ABC Thursdays: volumes A & E

2011-01-13T07:01:00.000-05:00

Remember this project? I took a break from this baby for this holidays and this week I took out the album and looked at what I had done so far. This project is mostly about writing: lots and lots and lots of writing. But flipping through, I liked what I had written. I liked how it was coming together. And I am well over halfway done, so I decided I would continue on. I really want to complete this sucker.

Then I made a list of the letters I have left and the things I want to include and did some alphabet magic to make it all fit. I want to write about MadMen, but M is taken. But U is not. Fortunately there are lots of creative ways to make MadMen start with the letter U. ;)

Anyway, here's the new stuff:

Andrew
Andrew is 5. He is in Kindergarten. He is one great kid. He loves mazes, legos, marble tracks, blocks, train tracks and puzzles. He is smart, smart, smart. And he is busy, busy, busy. He is always tackling some project and getting something built. He throws his whole self into his projects and it’s hard to pull him away. He loves his Daddy. And, maybe even more than that, he loves Daddy’s phone. On Daddy’s phone he plays “Plants Versus Zombies”, he records his own voice saying crazy things, and he even makes phone calls. He loves to eat pickles, olives, apples, grapes and hot dogs. He goes to bed every night by 8 and often at 7, when I am waking him up in the morning, he tells me that he is still, actually, quite sleepy. I love this kid more than my heart can hold. He is, in every sense of the word, the Bee’s Knees.

Attempting Kindness
Sometimes I choose a word to focus on for the year. Instead of a New Year’s resolution, I have a word in mind that I want to think about through out the year. This is, in no way, an original idea. There is whole creative community that embarks on this mission every year. Anyway, this year, 2011, my word is kindness. A lot of things have unraveled with the boys and the services they need. I find myself on the phone a lot trying to sort things out and make good things happen. And I find, when I am successful at approaching those tasks with kindness, I feel great afterwards. I want kindness to help me to be assertive, straightforward, persistent. I want it to help me follow through. I want it to help me let go of perfectionism. Adjust my standards. Be present and gentle with my family. I know I can’t always be kind…but I’d to be kind more often.

Extroverts, oh to be one…
I am an introvert, through and through. I am quiet in groups. I am quiet with new people. I love my time alone. I like leaving parties early because I need to collect my head and it can take my mind a long time afterwards to unwind. I communicate much better in writing than speaking. I can even be a tad socially-awkward. I learned about my introversion a few years ago and it was a startling discovery. I thought I was just a weirdo, and it was empowering to learn that it’s not just that. I am a weirdo for sure, but also an introvert. And lots and lots of people are introverts. There is a lot I like about being an introvert. I like writing and finding my voice that way. I like being alone to recharge. And I like having a small, but super-intimate circle of friends. Still though, there are plenty of times I wish I was more extroverted. A lot of things seem easier for extroverts. Like talking on the phone. I can be at my most awkward on the phone. Thank goodness for email.

Email
The person that invented email had me in mind. They sat at their computer one day and thought, ‘how can I make communicating and staying in touch with people that live far away (or even a few blocks away) easier? How can I help quick messages get back and forth between professionals? And how can I design it so that the messages can be received, thought over, and responded to as the receiver has the time to do so? And how can I help stay-at-home moms not feel isolated and alone? I know! Email!’

on a side note: today is the day of many birthdays, it would seem. Not only is Marti (Firefly) celebrating her big day today, last night I got a call from Susan that her baby, Gregory, is on the way. She called me on the way to the hospital and I couldn't help but ask, "Susan, um, are you SURE you are in labor? You sound so calm and normal." But, this is her forth. I think she may know what she's doing. Cake all around!

on my mind

2011-01-12T09:15:00.000-05:00

1. We are finally establishing a week's schedule that covers the bases. I'm surprised at how long it took, but now that it's figured out I feel really, really good about it. Andrew has art class on Mondays, therapies on Tuesdays and Thursdays, playdates on Wednesdays and then on Fridays we'll either lay low or fly high. This week we are planning on meeting Tess and friends (if Tess can recover from her current nasty cold) at the Science Museum. That counts as flying high.

2. I am in the processing of filling out legions of paperwork to get Andrew into a good program for first grade. I'm finding it challenging to check off the boxes. Is he an angry kid? no...except when he's angry. Is he loving? Yes. Except when he's not. These forms leave me feeling like I have no idea who this kid is anyway. Does he sleep well? He sleeps great! Except when he's sleepwalking. How do parents do this? Sooo tricky.

3. Andrew and I are learning about weather and water and clouds in school. He loves it. We did a science experiment yesterday where we tried to make a cloud inside a glass, but it didn't work. So instead when we were outside later we made clouds with our breath. "See MY cloud, Mommy?" I made puffy paint with flour, salt and water for him and Isaac to paint clouds. Isaac painted clouds with focus and enthusiasm while Andrew looked on disgusted at the puffy paint.

4. Andrew got a Charlie Brown clock for Christmas. It has a button that plays the Charlie Brown theme song and when he pushes it, Isaac stops what he's doing to dance. It's so stinkin' cute and a tad uncharacteristic for Isaac. He's not really a dancer. Maybe I should have exposed him to more jazz.

It snowed again last night and we are off to play.
Have a lovely Wednesday.

sheep cookies

2011-01-11T07:42:00.000-05:00

Our little friend Tess turned 2 on Saturday. She is a huge fan of Shaun the Sheep, so her mom and dad decided to have a farm/sheep theme for her birthday. And they asked me for some cookies!

And I just don't see how I can say no to Tess.

weekend

2011-01-10T08:11:00.000-05:00

We got the littlest bit more snow. Enough for some toy cars to plow through.

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Tess turned 2 and we honored her with cookies and gifts.

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And most of Sunday we spent at home. Resting, playing, weekending.

Monday, I am ready for ya!

brown

2011-01-07T08:07:00.000-05:00

In school Andrew and I are reading My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss. I really like this book. The illustrations are so pretty, the words are so clever and I love what the book is trying to say. It goes through each color and describes what that color might feel like. And when I get to brown, I feel such relief.

I listened to a Radio Lab show a few weeks ago and I heard the host say something like, "when the first personal cameras were put on the market, the directions on the back of the box said try to get your subject to smile at the camera creating a culture where happiness is king." It didn't go exactly like that, but you get the idea. And it's something I keep thinking about...this underlying notion that happy is the best way to feel. And if you don't feel happy...perhaps fake it? Anyway, when I feel sad, not only do I feel sad, but I often feel self-conscious about it.

Andrew's not the best at knowing his own emotions. He'll often tell us he's happy when he's clearly not. We've been working on adding "sad" "angry" "scared" to his descriptive repertoire...with slow and steady progress. He's not at 100%, but honestly, neither am I.

So when I get to the brown page in My Many Colored Days, I want to hug Dr. Seuss. It says, "Some days, of course, feel sort of Brown. Then I feel slow and low, low down." It has a painting of a big, brown bear sleeping in a dark cave. The painting feels warm and soft and a-ok. It's normal and natural and fine to feel brown. Hurray for brown!

Yesterday I asked Andrew to paint the animal/color that he feels like today. A bit abstract, for sure, but he picked the bird, found just-the-right blue and painted it. He's been working on his flying lately ("when I run fast, I can fly!" "Mom, I have wings on my back. They are locked on. You cannot take them off, not even with the smallest key.") so I wasn't surprised he chose the bird. In fact I think it's great he could identify with the bird. I just don't want him to feel like he has to identify with it.

Or I guess, I don't want to feel like I have to, either.
Because man, does that brown bear look cozy and warm.

I put together this scrapbook page using Andrew's paintings of the planets from the planet banner and the blog post I wrote here.

And right now? It's lightly snowing and the weekend is ahead. Tess turns 2 and we are planning to party hard. I hope yours is lovely!

calendars

2011-01-06T08:40:00.000-05:00

I saw this idea in my January Martha Stewart magazine. I opened to this page, looked at the calendar for a minute, stood up and went to the computer to order some happy tape. Sometimes you just gotta act. ;)

The fiberboard is painted white and sectioned off with the tape. Then post-it's are used for the squares. Simple and cool and reminds me of this. You know, in a crafty-homemaking kind of way.

I have Andrew's schedule posted right next to it, on the side of a cabinet. His schedule has the same basic structure every day with a few variables that change. He's now able to read his schedule independently and check the time on the clocks and compare it to the time on his schedule. This simple little routine sure has had a lot of bang for it's buck.

And then, not pretty at all, but this is my scheduling workhorse. I still use one of these old school planners while the rest of the world uses electronic ones. Alas. This is where I map out my projects. Everything from appointments to muffin baking to mopping goes in here. And I don't necessarily to get to it all, but I'm a lot more likely to when I've marked some time for it.

And there you have additional evidence of my neurosis. But let's not let this get around. Ok?

kindness: here we go

2011-01-05T08:10:00.000-05:00

My word for this year is kindness. It's not a resolution, it's just something I want to think about more.

I am on the phone a lot right now trying to arrange services for my kids. Sometimes it feels like the conversation could easily become confrontational and confrontation makes me squirm. But I've noticed that if I approach that conversation with kindness, I always feel better afterward. Kindness makes me feel good and settled. Defensiveness makes me feel on edge and upset. And I would just rather feel good and settled, you know? I pretty much want to feel good and settled as much as possible.

But I also think kindness means having a bit of a backbone. It's not kind to my kids or myself if I just let us fall through the cracks. Right now kindness means calling the Special Ed office every day until I get things squared away. It means being assertive. It means showing up and getting the job done.

Since thinking more about kindness I've also been noticing that choosing kindness will mean letting go of perfection. Trying to make things perfect, often makes me mean. Trying to get out the door, on time, with my hair just so, and the toys neatly stacked and the bathroom freshly scrubbed makes me stressed which makes me mean. I've noticed that a lot of my standards are not kind ones. They are vain ones. And letting go of that will be hard. Let's be honest, it just might not happen, but it's sure worth some more thought.

I definitely don't want kindness to be the goal. I don't want to put myself in the position that this kindness thing backfires. I can easily see myself starting to get upset about something, remembering that my aim is kindness, and then feeling worse, not better. Sadly, my inner critic can be brutal about that kind of thing.

So this year I am going to think and reflect about kindness. I won't always be kind. I know that going in. Heck, it's the 5th and I already have lots of examples of times when I was not kind. But I want to notice more the times when I am kind and what it means and what happens when I am. I think that kindness could end up being a good tool helping me to be assertive and helping me to reach out more.

I am starting a kindness journal, inspired by Ali Edwards' One Little Word class.

We'll see where this goes. Hopefully very, very far.

I did it!

2011-01-04T08:10:00.000-05:00

I had been wanting to try making donuts for years. But I was scared of frying dough and I didn't want 36 donuts sitting around. Even I have my limits. ;) But as Dave and I planned out a New Year's Day brunch, I thought it might be a good time to give it a try.

So I did!

Here's my thoughts on donuts:
- They are easier and faster than bagels.
- They don't taste that good without the frosting because the dough recipe I used (found here) wasn't terribly sweet.
- These were better on the second day. I made them the day before the brunch and was worried, because the one I taste-tested felt and tasted a little too oily. But I didn't notice that at all on day 2.
- They are soooo pretty.
- They are easily, easily worst the ba-gillion compliments I got at the brunch. Lots of "YOU made the donuts??" "Wait, you MADE these?" Sorry, but man do I love that.

Blogging goals for the week:
I have chosen and worked on a word for 2011 and am hoping to share more about that tomorrow.
Yesterday Brenda asked about my schedules and planning and whatnot and I have something neat to share about that.

So fingers crossed that I can get those together in the next couple of days. But right now Isaac is staring at me wondering about his oatmeal. So, that's my cue. Have a good one.

weekend and then some

2011-01-03T08:25:00.000-05:00

I've been stockpiling photos from the last week that I want to share. Here are some of my favorites.

We went to our local sledding hill one day last week. Andrew and Dave hit the jumps. Isaac took a slower path and really just wanted to go home. I stood at the bottom of the hill taking pictures. We also built a tunnel through a snow drift.

The boys have been playing with lots of new toys: building with legos, playing Mousetrap (a replacement of last year's Mousetrap that slowly broke down over the year), building robots and race cars, and of course, playing trains.

We had a New Year's party on New Year's day with homemade doughnuts (more on that tomorrow), mini quiches, salads and sausages (Italian and veggie).

And today, I'm picking back up where I left off. Andrew starts an Art Class today. Mommy School resumes. The schedule is posted and ready.

Alright 2011, we're coming. We're coming.

Best of Made in Brooklyn: 2010

2010-12-31T08:00:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I read a blog post where the author posted her 10 favorite projects from the year and I really enjoyed seeing what her favorites were. So, I went through the past year here at Made In Brooklyn and compiled my own top ten.

1. Art Journal This was such a good project for me. It was so good to get down what I needed to say and it also turned out so creatively. I was really, really pleased with it.

2. Solar System Banner This was my favorite project that I did with Andrew. We left it up for months. Like 5 months. That's how much I loved it. And after it had been up for a really long time, Andrew looks at it and tells me, "you hung Jupiter upside down".

3. Week in the Life photography project This project was such a great push for my photography. And it's such a nice, detailed snapshot of where we were last April. Things have already changed so much since then.

4. Bagels I asked Dave what his favorite project of mine was this year and he said, "every time you make bagels." So, there you have it.

5. Bedroom Redo I love my bedroom. That's all.

6. Cookie Favors This is one of those projects that I think about when I am having an existential crisis of who am I?? and what the heck am I doing with my life anyway??? I figure, if I can pull this off, I'm alright.

7. Pumpkin Whoopie Pies These were the yummiest things of my life. I made another batch for Thanksgiving. Oh man. I think I'll go make more now.

8. Matching Weighted Quilts These were a big deal for me because I felt like I was inventing something and I felt like I was helping AND I think they turned out great.

9. Advent Calendar I think this was Andrew's favorite project of this year. So many times this month, when it was time to do Advent Calendar, he would tell me "advent calendar is my most favorite thing in the world!"

10. Scrapbook pages Ok. I couldn't think of a number 10. There were lots of scrapbook pages I made this year that I like. And lots that I don't think are that great. But I thought I would stick this here to give a shout out for scrapbook pages that work out a-okay. And for the ones that help me find my voice, take better pictures, understand design and just think about life more.

Thanks 2010.

toys and trash bags

2010-12-30T08:10:00.004-05:00

Last night Dave walked into the living room and said, "are you organizing again?"

We've organized all kinds of nooks and crannies around here. The boys' games and toys are tidy and regrouped and each have new, carefully-thought-out homes that are either in Isaac's reach or not-at-all in Isaac's reach or in Isaac's reach, but behind a locked door.

The bathroom cabinets have been cleaned out and purged and restocked with oft used things right up front and rarely used things waiting in the depths and it looks so nice in there that I plan on showing all visitors in the next week or so the beauty of the bathroom cabinet. It'll knock their socks off, I tell you.

The office area has been restocked with clean notebooks and new pens. My datebook is ready to plan out many cool and crafty projects for the next 12 months. The cluttery spots that normally surround me as a write out these posts have been cleared away for the new year.

It would seem that most of our home is tidy and well organized.

Except for the multiplying bags of trash right by the front door.

The city's response to Sunday's blizzard is under a fair amount of criticism right now. There are still streets that just have not been plowed yet, which is pretty unusual for how the city handles snowstorms. The subways and bus routes are still seeing lots of delays and routes that have been suspended altogher. It's all so strange because normally this city stops for nothing. And although this storm was a big one, it wasn't anything we haven't seen before. (It would seem we could use a Secretary of Transportation with lots of snow experience. Dad, you interested?)

One of the things that has been suspended "until further notice" is trash pick up. And for apartments like ours, with no outdoor area for holding trash until pick-up day, our foyer is holding the trash instead. I've never been so happy that we use cloth diapers.

So, were you to visit today, before noticing the glory of the bathroom cabinets and the alphabetized legos, you would first have to climb over a not-at-all organized pile of trash.

Lots of really clean. Lots of really messy. I'm choosing to call it balance.

White Cheddar Biscuits. Fantastic.

gifts given

2010-12-29T08:06:00.003-05:00

This Christmas I only made a couple of gifts. One of the gifts I made was a pocket of photos for the boys' grandparents. I used Andrew's awesome self-portrait:

And embroidered it onto fabric. I sewed it to a piece of felt that I folded and sewed into a pocket.

My niece sent me this drawing:

I transferred it to fabric:

And I attached that to felt as well. I added rings to the bottom and a hanger to the top thinking that my sister-in-law could hang it up next Christmas, perhaps with a calendar hanging from the rings.

I got the idea of embroidering drawings from Soule Mama's book and from friends that do this kind of all the time. (Hi Melissa!) I thought they were really fun projects. Especially on a weekend we were all couch-bound with colds.

This have been super-vacation-y around here. With the holiday and the snowstorm, life has slowed to be down-right relaxing. I'm not sure what day it is, or what we'll do today, and for once, that sounds just about right.

outside::inside

2010-12-28T07:52:00.006-05:00

*This was a 100% self-inflicted snowball to the face. Isaac picked up a chunk of snow, squeezed it and got this little surprise. Luckily, he thought it was hilarious.

**************************************************************************************************************

December Daily: finishing her up

2010-12-27T08:53:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, while a blizzard brewed around us, I finished up this little album. As usual, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were jam packed with stories that I wanted to record and remember. So instead of giving each of those days one page each, each day got several pages. Some of the pages are just two photos glued together back to back.

We had a lovely Christmas. And a wild Christmas Eve. It was a great, great holiday. Feel free to read any of our little stories of Christmas, found on the photos below. Kids make Christmas just amazing. Though, I have to say, Mamas make Christmas pretty amazing too. ;)

And now? There are drifts of snow several feet high just begging for kids to buried in. We're gearing up and going out!

Happy Mommy's First Christmas Eve!

2010-12-24T07:18:00.007-05:00

The year before last Andrew picked out and wrapped a present for me that he was soooo excited to give me. He scribbled with marker on the top of the present and told me it said "Happy Mommy's First Christmas Eve!" And this morning that lovely holiday greeting is buzzing around my head. One of the many little memories I squirrel away from this time of year. My collection is certainly growing.

This time last year I was recovering from surgery. I had learned that my son had pretty significant delays and would need a considerable amount of support in school. I was struggling. It was one of my hardest times. And this Christmas I keep thinking about that. I feel a little braced for disaster, though there is no sign of disaster on the horizon.

This year has its own challenges. Andrew's school situation is still a little up in the air. Isaac has begun his evaluations and it's become more and more clear that he too will need lots of support. But these things don't seem as hard as they did a year ago. My perspective on Special Needs is vastly different. I've settled in a little. During Isaac's evaluations, the assessment team and I would sit around Isaac, watching him play, absolutely delighting in him. We could all clearly see that his language and social skills are not where they should be. But we could also clearly see that he is absolutely wonderful. It's not nearly as loaded this time around.

And so there is a way that Christmas has become bittersweet for me. It's become a time when I sit back and see where we are and see where we've been and feel a little light-headed. Christmas is not the sugar-sweet loveliness that it used to be. Instead of clinging to the cookies and candies and presents and general over-abundance (though I still enjoy those things quite a bit!), I'm clinging to the messages of hope and peace. Which, I must say, is no where near as flashy and fun.

But, it's not too bad either. I'd call it growth, even.

Have a lovely, lovely holiday. May it be a whimsical cocktail of sugar-sweet loveliness, hope and peace.

notes

2010-12-23T07:35:00.004-05:00

Andrew told me there is a maze in our Christmas tree. He knows this, he says, because when he dropped a jingle bell into it, it made it's way all the to the bottom. Clear sign of a maze.

Andrew makes a marble track several times a week and it's become so routine that I never think to photograph it. He likes to put it together and then run to get us. Then he watches while Isaac and I pour marbles into it and chase the flying marbles around the room. Sometimes he sabotages the track on purpose and cracks up when we can't get the marble through quite right. Our downstairs neighbor has politely asked if we can try to keep the marbles on a rug as her desk is directly below our track building area. Poor lady. We've complied ever since.

This motley crew was suppose to make snowflakes yesterday afternoon, but after a few attempts, the Christmas train turned out to be way more appealing. So much for planning Christmas crafts. ;)

I am LOVING Mommy School. (But I think I need another name for it. Mommy School is starting to sound way too diminutive to me. Ideas?) Right now in Mommy School we are reading about the Nativity and Andrew's favorite part is when Joseph and Mary have to sleep in the hay. This year camping out with animals easily trumps some baby's birth. We're getting there, baby Jesus. We're getting there.

Here's his sketch of the "plot" of the book. Mary (with the black mohawk), Joseph and the donkey. What baby?? Didn't you see the donkey?!?! Who needs a baby when there is a donkey?

And for today? I'm hoping to get some pages of my December Daily assembled. I also want to make the parts to our elaborate Christmas cake so all I'll need to do is assemble it on Christmas day. A little more shopping and then we'll be ready for showtime.

gotta do it

2010-12-22T07:54:00.003-05:00

Not only is it not Christmas until I make these cookies, but it's also not Christmas until I eat so many of them.

No more playing around. I mean business now.
Jolly Holiday. For real this time.

December Daily: next installment

2010-12-21T09:06:00.009-05:00

You know what I miss about summer? I know, I know. I spend all summer long complaining about how miserable that unforgiving season is. But, lately I've been missing all the summer light. And I don't necessarily mean the hours of light during the day, though I certainly miss that. I miss the type of light we get in the summer. Winter light is soft and gentle and lovely...but makes all my photos look way too dark. So, a new personal goal...learn how to take pictures in the winter! I can do it! I can do it!

weekend

2010-12-20T08:31:00.012-05:00

the Train Display at Grand Central Station:

Don't be fooled, the boys did not stand still at all to watch the trains. Weaving in and out of the crowd chasing their favorite trains is more their style.

The Tree at Rockefeller:

Projectionist in Training:

Christmas Lights in Dyker Heights:

A certifiable holiday weekend, I tell you. Wew. I'm pooped.

This year's Christmas Cards

2010-12-17T07:58:00.006-05:00

Busy day today and busy weekend planned. Here's hoping runny noses are kept at bay and we can keep up with the amount of crazy fun we want to have.

Go Christmas!

December Daily: next installment

2010-12-16T08:01:00.008-05:00

Alright! Now we're talking! Christmas spirit in full force and it shows! Now if we can just get into the city...that would be icing on the cake. Hoping for some icing this weekend...

As for today? Tess is coming over and we are going to do Christmas projects and show off our new bunks and Isaac might try to take off her shoes and hide them. SHould be jolly! Hot chocolate all around!

Christmas Spirit: found

2010-12-15T09:13:00.007-05:00

At the beginning of this month it didn't feel like December to me at all. I was just going through the motions, trusting my calendar, and plowing through my to-do list. But sometime last week a Christmas feeling flickered to life.

There are two things specifically that I love about Christmas. One of them is feeling closer to friends and family. There is something about buying gifts and writing out Christmas cards that I just love...because it makes me feel closer to my peeps. In fact, I first felt this year's Christmas spirit when I was filling out my 5th Christmas card. I just love Christmas cards. I love writing out notes and dropping them in the mail and thinking about them getting spread out all over the country.

The other thing that gets me at Christmas is nostalgia. I read Andrew Santa Mouse last night, a Dill family classic, and it brought up all these little Christmas memories. I thought about the little fake tree we put in the family room (the big, real tree was reserved for the living room...so it could be in front of the big window) and the funky tin foil star at the top. And I thought about sitting at the top of the stairs on Christmas morning while my parents zoombied around the kitchen, taking what seemed like over an hour to make their coffee. We couldn't come down until they were ready. And, I've got to say, they sure took their sweet time.

And so, I'm there. I'm in it to win it. I am settling in and enjoying the holiday and calling this one merry.

lately's

2010-12-14T08:41:00.006-05:00

1. My copy of Passion for Baking completely fell apart. All the pages fell right out of the binding and when my mom saw this she was struck with inspiration. She took my copy, put all of the pages in page protectors and put them, in order (!), in a binder. Not sure if that is serious Mama Love, or serious need to have things organized. But I LOVE it! Thanks Mom!

2. When the bunk beds first arrived Andrew saw the box and was thrilled. He ran into the other room and said, "OK! I am going to close my eyes and count to 10, and you will put the bunk beds together in my room!" hmm....

3. The bunk beds are just so exciting. And for a while they were way too exciting to actually sleep in them. The first night was hairy...and we got a lot of late night visits from Isaac. Andrew moved himself to the couch to sleep, but he rolled right off. "I didn't hurt myself at all, so I just kept sleeping on the floor!" Things have since calmed and the boys are more or less sleeping the whole night in their new beds. Isaac has figured out how to get up and down the ladder, so that's good. Right?

4. Yesterday Andrew had some serious ants in his pants. He just wanted to RUN and I kept telling him to stop running in the apartment. So we went for a walk and he kept asking me, "Do you want to see my SPEED?" Then he would run down the block and wait for me at the other end. He told me "Mom, when you see this: whoosh! That was me!" After all that running he was still super restless. So after dinner he and Dave ran about 15 blocks to the next neighborhood to see some Christmas lights. Dave couldn't believe how long he ran and said that Andrew might actually make a good running partner.

5. A few years ago Andrew thought it was totally arbitrary what we put on the Christmas tree. He would put his cups and toys and dirty clothes on it. Isaac doesn't think it's arbitrary, but he does think it is a new storage system for small toys we normally keep hidden from him. He pulls the ornaments off of the branches and plays with them at the coffee table. The Thomas ornament and the Fischer Price school bus ornament are his favorites, for obvious reasons. They are, in fact, small toys.

6. He never remembers what these taste like and has to try them every year.

7. The rest we put into these Cranberry Cream scones. Recipe found in my new Passion for Baking binder!

December Daily: keep on keepin' on

2010-12-13T08:43:00.010-05:00

Here are my recent additions to my December Daily album. I just uploaded photos from the weekend, but haven't even thought about adding them yet. I am really enjoying the process of stockpiling photos and recording several days at a time, instead of trying to get to it every day. And even when my life is filled to the brim, I still really enjoy this project. I've never regretted putting these together each year.

We had a slow weekend. Nursing colds, making homemade gifts, decorating. We spent LOTS of of time on the couch watching old Christmas Specials and I swear Andrew has memorized the script to Frosty the Snowman. We were hoping to drag the boys to 34th street to see Santa, but feverish boys on the subway are always a terrible idea. So, Santa will just have to wait.

in with the new

2010-12-10T08:07:00.009-05:00

then:

now:

then:

now:

then:

now:

Late last night I was hanging pictures and adjusting quilts. Trying to figure out where this and that will go. So, as of 8:15 this morning, this is what we got.

There is still a lot of little things that need homes. The rest of our apartment is still super messy, so I'm sure this is not the final version, but it's pretty close, I'd say.

I love it. I loved their old room too. But I love the new one. Love the colors, love the photos on the wall, love how clean it looks (for now). Though Isaac did his best to bless the room with a long scribble of red crayon while we were working on it. Oh that boy.

Big HUGE thank you's to Emily, Rob, Kirsten, Eric, Tess, Caitlin and Niff for their help! Hooray for friends!

And now? I think there is a holiday coming up that I really like celebrating.
Bring it!

Right Now

2010-12-09T09:30:00.004-05:00

- Andrew is looking at a picture of his 3 year old self playing with Tinker Toys and is trying to re-create what he built 2 and 1/2 years ago.
- Isaac is laying on his side, putting together his third puzzle of the day.
- There is an enormous box filled with bunk bed parts leaning against our dining room wall.
- There are dressers and boxes crowding our already small living room waiting to go back into their rightful spots.
- The washing machine is on it's spin cycle. Second load of the day.
- There are not too many dishes in the sink and they can wait until after lunch.
- There is a small poinsettia next the computer. It's really, really pretty.
- I hoping my Dad got this card. I tried to send it in time for his birthday, but I think I was a day or so late. Stink. Luckily, my dad doesn't care too much for
birthdays.
- I have only bought 2 Christmas gifts. Seriously need to get crackin' on gift acquisition.

his schedule

2010-12-08T08:15:00.004-05:00

We first started using a schedule for Andrew during one of the Beach Weeks. We haven't really used it a lot at home, but when we travel, it's been a life-saver. He just really needs to know what's going on. My mom claims he gets that from her.

Since Andrew has been home, I've been posting a schedule for him every day. The day usually begins with a trip to the playground, then Mommy School. The afternoon fills up with Lunch, Quiet Time, Reading Time, Advent Calendar activity, and playtime. He watches TV while I make dinner and often plays on the computer with Dave after Isaac goes to bed. I feel like it's a good mix of outside, inside, working, playing, resting, going. And he's hooked.

On day we got behind. It was noon and we were eating lunch, but we were suppose to be eating lunch at 11:30. He ran around the apartment checking all the clocks, asking me to change the clocks back to 11:30. We adjusted the schedule instead. ;)

Last Saturday I decided not to post a schedule. It was the weekend after all and we never posted schedules on the weekends before. But he had a rough afternoon and at the end of the day asked me if I could make a schedule for him for the next day.

Every day so far "Advent Calendar" has been part of the schedule and he loves that part of the day. Yesterday's activity was "Make Christmas Cookies".

So, we did.

Today's activity? Eat a candy cane. A trip to the candy store is in order for this one. Don't you worry though. It's all scheduled in.

December Daily: filling the pages

2010-12-07T08:03:00.008-05:00

I am not really feeling Christmas yet. I'm trying. I play Christmas music, drink Christmas tea, lead Andrew through our daily advent doings, but man, I am not feeling it. All of my energies right now are focused on two things: the boys' room redo (which is coming along nicely. We are waiting for the floors to dry and the bunk beds to arrive. We are hoping to get the boys set up by the end of the week) and Andrew's school situation. Andrew's school situation is also coming along...but is turning out to be a slow process. I've spent hours on the phone with social workers, Special Education coordinators, psychologists and they are all in the game and surprisingly eager to help us. But the help at this point is still "try calling this person! and this school!" So right now the work is still a lot about phone calls. But, I do feel like I am making progress.

So, at the end of each day I would wonder what to do about my December Daily. I mean, you have to look hard to find Christmas around here. Finally I decided that instead of being a honest scrapbooker and giving an honest account of each day, I would look back over the last couple of days and try to hit the major themes. I haven't yet said anything about Mommy School and I think I should. So, I'll keep that in mind over the next couple of days.

That said, I have some pretty fierce December Daily envy of these folks that are rockin' and rollin' in holiday spirit. Our time will come, I just know it.

So, here's where we're at.

weekend

2010-12-06T08:03:00.012-05:00

work:

shopping:

play:

When Family's Not Around

2010-12-03T07:53:00.002-05:00

call on your friends.

Today is Day 1 of Phase 2 of the boys' room redo. We are cleaning out their room. In a serious way. Sorting and tossing and donating and cleaning and prepping their space for paint. And Day 1 of our Child Support Team will be here in 30 minutes to whisk off the boys to the playground and library so Dave and I can maximize our time. Day 2 of our Child Support Team comes tomorrow to whisk off the boys to the Children's Museum so we can paint. And Day 3 comes Monday so we can do some work on their floors.

Thank you to all members of our Child Support Team! Thank goodness for friends. And triple-pinch-me-I-can't-believe-my-luck that I have these friends that get our kids. Ahhhh, sweet relief.

Let the wild rumpus begin!

Most members of the Child Support Team will be paid in cookies. Cookie currency isn't so bad, right?

ABC Thursdays: volumes W & Q

2010-12-02T08:10:00.003-05:00

Winter
I’ve never met a winter I didn’t like. I’m not big on icy winds, it’s true. But I always, always, always welcome a big, thick snowfall. When I’m visiting my parents, I love standing outside when it’s snowing. I like to stand and listen to the snow. It’s such a subtle sound, especially compared to how dramatic it looks. In Brooklyn, I love how people react to big snowfalls. They walk down the middle of our normally busy street. Jealous children, staring from their windows, watch the boys and I walk by. People head to Owl’s Head park to zip down it’s perfect slope. I love coming in from the snow and making hot chocolate and changing into dry socks and snuggling down on a snowy day. When I lived in Vermont, I often felt that I would be perfectly happy if it could snow year round. I’m not sure that that’s still true, but I’ve never seen it snowing out my window and wish that it would stop.

Writing Curriculum
I just finished up a part time, short term job with a curriculum development company called Wireless Generation. I wrote a series of lessons for the Advanced Phonics strand of a reading intervention unit they’ve developed. And I loved it. I loved the work itself. It was nicely engrossing, without being stressful. When I was working, I could only think about the work itself, which turned out to be a delightful escape. I also love thinking about the way kids learn how to read. I love dissecting the parts of reading and trying to look at content the way a 6 or 7 or 8 year old would. I find that super, super interesting. Also, I got to say, I love the positive feedback I got and the lovely little boost to my checking account. Fingers crossed they can find more work for me.

Quiet Time
One afternoon, when Andrew was a baby, he did not fall asleep at naptime. Little did we know that on that day, a sacred tradition would become established: Quiet Time. We have Quiet Time everyday. And I plan on observing Quiet Time for as long as I have small children. Sometimes kids nap, mostly they don’t. But they know that that is their time to rest quietly. Isaac looks at books, sings in his crib, and plays with his Magna Doodle. Andrew does puzzles, draws, and works with his legos. And, I have time for me. Lately I’ve been writing curriculum during Quiet Time. But when I am in between gigs, it’s my time to make stuff. I sew, or scrapbook or make cards. I’m careful to chose a project that I can complete, and clean up after, in the allotted time. I am a hardcore Quiet Time observer. Though, I wonder how long I’ll get away with it.

Quilting
The hardest part about quilting is the risk involved. After buying fabric, working out measurements, cutting, sewing, layering, and the quilting itself…what if I don’t like it? I’ve already spent considerable time and money on this project, and ultimately, it’s a risk. I really don’t know what it’s going to look like. I have a good guess, but I’ve definitely made quilts that disappointed me. And still, every year or so, I am itching to make another. In fact, since my first quilt at 22, I’ve averaged 3 a year. Every time I make a new one, I am giddy with excitement. I have trouble falling asleep at night because my mind is imaging delicious fabric combinations and new techniques I want to try. Perhaps, the risk is exactly why I keep coming back. The risk makes me work harder and more creatively. It motivates me to try my darndest to make it awesome.

Gearing Up: Boys' Room Redo

2010-12-01T06:54:00.005-05:00

We have big plans for the boys' little room. Their room is 7 feet wide and 14 feet long. I think my mom's closet is bigger than that, but my boys don't care at all. They love being roommates and love that their window faces our action packed street.

The time has come to give that room a major overhaul. Andrew is still in a toddler bed and his bed frame is falling apart. Plus we think Isaac might be ready to graduate from his crib. So, I have been schemeing for weeks on their new room and have things pretty well planned out.

The first thing on my list? Make these boys some quilts! The last two weekends I've been spending lots of time at home, fussing around my dining room table cutting fabric, sewing strips together and building two twin sized quilts. Andrew's OT has talked to me about a weighted blanket for him at night (remember his weighted vest?!? It's all about deep pressure, let me tell you!) and I spent some time researching and brainstorming ways to add weight to his quilt. People do all kinds of things. I saw lots of pockets with little bags of dried beans or rice that can be removed when it's time for the blanket to get washed. But I also kept hearing about these:

Craft Pellets!
These are what give beanie babies their weight. They are small, heavy and completely washable. So, during the assembly of the quilt I included a layer of craft pellets. And it really makes a huge difference. They weight the quilts so that the quilts are snug around you. I'm super pleased with how they worked out! And I went ahead and added the pellets to both blankets. And they both seem to like them!

Phase one of room redo? Done and done!
Next up? Painting!

the scoop

2010-11-30T06:53:00.008-05:00

Dave and I have taken Andrew out of school. We are looking for another classroom for him, but for now, he is home.

His school year started out fine, but little things, and big things, started adding up and snowballed into a crisis. The week before Thanksgiving his classroom behavior peeked to the worst we have ever seen. That Thursday, when I picked him up from school, he was practically unrecognizable to me. He had been more or less out of control for three hours and no one there was able to help him. He has not been back since.

I wavered between rage and panic, second-guessing my every step, until I met with his pediatrician to form a plan. She affirmed that his present classroom is not a good fit for him and directed me towards resources to use moving forward. I am casting my net wide, contacting all kinds of people about finding another classroom for him. And it seems like this will take time to come together.

In the meanwhile, Andrew is fine. He is relieved to not be going to school. We've started Mommy School again and he absolutely loves it. I really enjoy working with him from home, though I definitely feel conflicted about it. He learns so much in the quiet one-on-one setting at our dining room table. But, it's not helping his social delay. It's not teaching him how to cope with overstimulation and how to make friends. Therefore, I don't think it can be our long term solution. But for now, it's working out fine. And it's giving me time to pull things together.

I've realized that parenting Andrew has made me face things about myself I'd rather not face. I hate conflict. I hate standing up against authority. I don't like needing help. Taking what feels like a giant step, by removing him from school, forces me to face those things about myself. And sometimes I grateful for that opportunity, but often I'm not. On the other hand, there are ways that Andrew was custom-tailored for me. I adore his quirkiness. I love how we can all sink into projects, side by side, quiet for long periods of time as we craft and bake and build and puzzle. And, I imagine, that's a universal parenting experience. There are parts of our kids that push us to change...and parts of our kids that fit like a glove. And I suppose it works out to be a good balance.

School crisis or no, advent is upon us! I finished up our advent calendar by sewing pockets on the back of each number card and making little tags for each pocket. This way I can use this calendar for several years and change the activities for each year. Thank you so much for all of your suggestions about Christmas things to do...I definitely included some!

onward and onward, my friends.

Thanksgiving Weekend

2010-11-29T07:05:00.014-05:00

I never have high hopes for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving seems to be about sitting around with family, chatting. Being indoors and quiet and civilized. And my kids are terrible at those things. So usually I spend Thanksgiving keeping my kids out of other people's things and entertained enough not to be driving everyone crazy. This year, though, was different.

First of all, we brought an arsenal of puzzles, which kept both kids sufficiently busy. Secondly, Aunt Melodee has two teenagers that are proud owners of a Nintendo Wii, which worked out amazingly well. Thirdly, Aunt Melodee's house is surprisingly child proof and home to an Isaac-sized puppy. And lastly, there was piano and a guitar to fascinate Isaac. All of this meant I got to help cook! I got to chat with relatives! I even pulled out a book to read for a little while! This was easily our best Thanksgiving in years.

Thanks Aunt Melodee!

Can't get enough? Here's more! Isaac in the leaves!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T08:15:00.004-05:00

Have a lovely holiday and we'll see you next week!

pre-baking

2010-11-24T08:58:00.006-05:00

We are getting in the mode for tomorrow's holiday. Yesterday Andrew and I made an apple pie with a very leafy pie crust. Today we are making the Pumpkin Whoopie Pies that we taste tested a few weeks ago. We are also responsible for the place cards...which I am sure we can manage this afternoon. And then tomorrow we'll do our best to keep Isaac in his carseat for the 2 and a half hours that it takes to get to Aunt Melodee's house. And if we are successful, what a thankful Thanksgiving it will be.

Advent Calendar

2010-11-23T09:35:00.005-05:00

This is the beginnings of our Advent Calendar. I've been collecting and combining different ideas until I came up with this. Here is the idea...each day has a card...and on the back of each card there will be some Christmas-y thing to do. Some days will have something super simple, like eat a candy cane or watch The Grinch. Other days will have trips we are going to take, like to get our Christmas tree or to see the trains at Grand Central. And other days will have some sort of charity based thing to do, like buy a pair of socks for our church's socks and mitten collection or donate a few toys not played with anymore.

So, as you can see I'm not quite done. I'm hoping to finish by Thanksgiving, but I realized today that Thanksgiving is the day after tomorrow!

Any suggestions on what to add? What are simple Christmas things that you like to do?

stories of the weekend

2010-11-22T08:09:00.007-05:00

1. Isaac continues to be the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life. I trimmed his curls this summer and they back and fierce as ever.

2. Andrew must have drawn 50 different mazes this weekend. He also found that his fingerprints look just like mazes and asked me if they each have a start and a finish.

3. We showed Andrew ET on Friday night and he cried and cried when ET got on the spaceship at the end of the movie. I first saw ET when I was his age and my mom had to carry me sobbing out of the theater. Seems like he got a bit of my tenderheart, poor fella. He wanted to make it clear to me however, that even though he was crying, it was a really, really good movie.

4. Andrew, Isaac and Dave gave me The King Arthur Flour Cookie Companion for my birthday. It was special ordered from our local bookstore, so I didn't get it until Saturday. Andrew wrote inside the cover, "Dear Robyn, Happy Birthday! I love cookies. Love, Andrew". Seems like this cookbook is a gift for the whole family. ;)

5. Most of this weekend, we stayed home so I could sew. I am making the boys quilts, which believe me, you will hear plenty about later. But we did venture to Prospect Park to meet up with a friend and romp around a little.

And while we were there, Andrew took these photos:

Not bad, eh?

ABC Thursdays: volumes I & G

2010-11-18T08:12:00.003-05:00

Isaac
Isaac is 2. He spends his days home with me mostly playing trains. He could, and does, play trains for hours. He builds little tracks, elevating part of track with blocks, and lays on his tummy watching the wheels of the trains move smoothly along the tracks. Sometimes he pretends to talk to Sir Topham Hatt on the phone, using the computer’s mouse as a phone. He and Sir Topham Hatt talk about cake as Isaac uses a bowl and spoon to pretend to make one. On the playground I find it hard to keep up with Isaac and everyday, when I make it home with him in one piece, I declare victory and make myself some tea. Isaac loves bananas and avocados. He goes to bed at 7 and is up again at 7 to help me get Andrew off to school. Isaac is probably the most adorable thing I have ever laid eyes on. I am always shaking my head, either in disbelief about how stinkin’ cute he is, or in disbelief about how stinkin’ frustrating he can be.

Identity
When I go to Andrew’s school to pick him up, or go to an event, or to meet with someone, I still identify as a teacher. I walk through the halls thinking, “I used to do this! I used to do this!” When his teacher tells me about what’s going on in the classroom, I still relate to the teacher more than I do to Andrew. So, the other day, when the principal introduced me as “one of our Special Needs parents” I felt a little surprised. I mean, obviously I identify strongly as a Special Needs parent…so many of the entries in this book are about just that… but it still took me off guard. I think it stood out to me because it showed me that some people have only known me as a Special Needs parent… even though it still feels a little new to me. I guess I must seem like a natural.

Glee
Glee is brilliant. It’s feel-good TV at it’s best. The plot line is dramatic and engaging, the music is fantastic (I’ve bought several CDs on iTunes), but it’s the characters that make the show. My favorite character is Rachel. There is so much I can identify with in Rachel. And I love hearing her sing. Watching Glee has been good for me. It’s made me rethink the parts of high school that I didn’t like and it’s made me feel better about a future with two teenage sons. I think I think differently about teenagers altogether from watching Glee. Now, if only I could get Dave to watch with me. But when Dave said, “it’s like they took all the things I don’t like about TV and put them into one show!” I realized I might be fighting a losing battle with that one.

Green
I love the green movement. I’m all for it. I love recycling, buying things locally, trying to reduce how much trash we make and energy we use. And, I’m pretty good at it. We use cloth diapers, have a paper free kitchen, belong to our local CSA and when we bought our third (!) air conditioning unit this summer, I felt appropriately guilty about the energy use and pollution. I think I like the green movement because it makes me feel empowered about the future. It makes me feel hopeful about the quality of life we can have as we age, and the quality of life that our children can have with their children. It just feels like the right thing to do. Plain and simple.

Growing Up
I am 33 years old and for the first time in my life, I feel my age.

hold on tight

2010-11-17T13:46:00.006-05:00

Man, I gotta say, today is turning out to be a killer.
Terrible, terrible, terrible day.

Remember when I said that now that I am a whopping 33, I feel like I handle things that might come up? Scratch that. I was wrong. Double-dog wrong.

Let's just say Andrew is giving me a run for my money. And I keep wondering what exactly the 'money' is that I am running for. And that right now I am wondering what to do...because I have no idea. No. Idea. And I hate not knowing what to do. It's not good for my ego.

So, I am holding on tight and hanging in there and hoping for the best and praying for wisdom.

The good news? I made the cover for my December Daily...and...Isaac finally figured this out!

'atta boy! I am so proud!

onward and onward, my friends.

33

2010-11-16T08:22:00.006-05:00

This is the first year since I can remember that owning up to my new age is no problem for me. I was always surprised at each birthday about my new number. "I can't believe I'm 12!" "I can't believe I'm 18!" "I can't believe I'm 30." This year? 33. I can totally believe it.

Funny how things that come up once a year end being good spots for comparisons. This time last year...this time 5 years ago...remember when.... I've noticed that I often compare myself now to younger versions of myself during Beach Weeks (this time last year I was so jealous of these moms with minivans). And I also tend to do that on my birthdays. This time last year I still felt 12. I felt 12 for around 20 years. And I'm both happy and sad to say that I don't feel 12 anymore.

I feel 33. I feel more responsible. I understand things better that used to leave me baffled. I feel like I can take on more. I feel like I can handle what's ahead. But, I also don't feel so carefree. Or impulsive. Or giddy. I have a little bit darker perspective on life. I sort of feel like a grown-up. ;) And even though this 33 me isn't so footloose and fancy free, I'm not sure I'd go back. In fact, sometimes I think I'm better than ever.

Turns out, aging is not so bad after all.

And birthdays are downright fantastic when there are little boys to get all excited about them. I made vanilla cupcakes yesterday and when Andrew got home from school we made and applied cherry frosting. Delicious!

Thanks for all your birthday wishes yesterday! I must say, I love soaking in birthday attention. Almost as much as I did at 12.

weekend

2010-11-15T08:36:00.012-05:00

Since I started working, and the weather shifted and the holidays began their yearly creep towards us, our weekends have become more about getting stuff done and less about seeking adventure. This weekend was about well-overdue haircuts.

And I must say, Andrew's absolute favorite part of getting his haircut, is the bus ride home.

This weekend was also about running errands in the city and getting slices for lunch.

And spending time in the new playground in Union Square, where both boys found their perfect spots.

Isaac scooted around in the sand, sort of like a fish in water.

And Andrew joined a group of dizzy-makers in their games of spin and crash.

We met up with Tess who was thrilled to see us. And I learned that on weekends when I am feeling frustrated by my kids, I need to invite Tess over. Because the same things that irritate me, she thinks are absolutely delightful.

And that's nice to be reminded of.

And for today? It's my birthday! I have cupcakes to make and Amazon gift cards to spend!

Hope you all had a lovely weekend!

self portrait

2010-11-12T15:11:00.005-05:00

This came home from school today.
I LOVE it.
But I'm not sure it really looks like Andrew. Let me check.

hmmm...yeah. it looks about right.

ABC Thursdays: volumes D & P

2010-11-12T08:31:00.003-05:00

I know, I know, it's Friday. I was having some technical difficulties yesterday and am just getting this up now.

Dave
Gosh I love him. I love what a wacky weirdo he is. I love the crazy things he says, the unusual way he looks at life, his agility at problem solving. I love how he admits when he’s wrong (ahem, usually) and I love how he is with the boys. Lately I’ve been appreciating how supportive he is of me. I feel like I can pitch these crazy ideas to him and he jumps on board, ready to tackle the problem. Dave is really clipping along in his career. Last week he went to AMIA 2010, his annual conference for archivists, and he gave four presentations, was invited to several dinners with people that wanted to brainstorm with him, and heard lots of kudos for his work. He kept calling home with more stories proving how far he’s really come in his career. It was eye-opening for both of us. We aren’t just out of college anymore.

Dishes
I always put off doing the dishes. Sometimes I wish we had a dishwasher just so I had a place to hide my dirty dishes. When there is a sink full of dishes I can find all kinds of other things to do instead. Maybe it’s the lack of counter space and I that feel cramped piling dishes on the stove or maybe it’s because it’s just easier to walk out of the kitchen than to scrub the dried oatmeal off of pots and bowls, but honestly there isn’t much I put off the way I put off washing dishes. But when I do wash them, when I end up facing the music and prepping the sink, I always say to myself afterwards “now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Dogs
Today I watched a woman with her dog and it made me wish I had a dog of my own…until I remembered that I would have to clean up after it. Then I didn’t want a dog anymore.

Project Tackler
I love a big project. I love the planning, the execution and the “I did it!” feeling. I love having and reaching a goal and I LOVE looking back at the goals I’ve met. There is something about thinking through the things I’ve done that makes me feel better about things I’ve yet to face. My most recent big project was making wedding favors for Emily’s wedding. 170 cookies, individually wrapped, individually awesome. Next on my project list? Christmas! Advent plans, homemade gifts, Christmas cards! It’s going to be great.

Photography
About four years ago I hated taking pictures. I felt like the pictures I took didn’t come out very well. I felt shy about getting out my camera to take pictures, especially in public. There was just so much about photography I didn’t like. But, a lot of that has changed. I like taking photos now. I understand my camera much more than I used to and I’m better at using it to get what I want. I take lots of still life photography for my blog. I have the perfect little spot on my kitchen counter where the window gives me great natural light. I pose my baking just so, get the camera setting right, and shoot away. I’ve learned so much about composition, angle, lighting and the buttons on my camera from taking all of those still life shots. Taking that time to fiddle with still life has helped me so much when I am trying to capture my boys’ crazy antics. I can flip through the settings quickly and get what I need before they can run off into trouble. And snapping up little bits of them as they are right now has become really important to me. I just love it.

Pickles
Every week I buy a big jar of pickles and every week it empties by Friday. Though, I never eat any of them. I never did care for pickles.

Yeasted Pumpkin Swirl Bread

2010-11-10T08:39:00.006-05:00

recipe from here

It's project time!

2010-11-09T09:51:00.008-05:00

Last night, while I talked to my sister on the phone about all the brain sculptures her 3rd grade class is doing (brain lasagna, anyone?), I started assembling the base of my December Daily.

Getting this album ready to fill is one of three Christmas projects I'm hoping to finish by Thanksgiving. 'Tis the season to prepare for advent. Preparing to prepare, so to speak.

This year I am planning on two page spreads for each day of December. Most of the pages have the date and journaling block in the middle of the two pages with a large area on one side for photos. The opposite, often empty page, will either have other photos, or on quieter days, I'll just cover it in patterned paper.

And that's what I have so far!

Check out past year's December Daily's:
2009
2008
2007

weekend

2010-11-08T08:28:00.009-05:00

We had a little weekend around here. Full of all kinds of everyday-ness. Our park has been filling up with leaves and we took turns getting buried.

Though, Isaac didn't quite understand. ;) He didn't choose a very leafy spot to be buried. hmmm....on second thought, perhaps he understood perfectly.

I bought Isaac a puzzle a few weeks ago and he assembles it several times daily. Often he'll lock a piece in, stand up and clap for himself.

And Andrew has been making lots and lots of books. His favorite, of course, is making maze books. But this weekend he also made a city book and two books based off They Might Be Giants songs. This book was his gift for Kirsten for her birthday. On the back of his books he's been drawing bar codes and writing "ages 5 and up". Except for Kirsten's he wrote "ages 33 and up". ;) Very helpful guidelines, I tell you.

And now Monday. Here we go!

real and pretend

2010-11-05T10:40:00.007-04:00

Isaac likes to play one game over and over and over. He's been doing it for months and he thinks it just might be the best game ever.

The game was inspired by one of the Thomas the Train videos he watches. In the video one of the controllers talks to Sir Topham Hatt on the phone about a birthday cake. Isaac now loves to pretend to talk to Sir Topham Hatt on the phone about cakes. He uses all kinds of things for phones. Real phones, his hand, his fork at dinnertime, and most frequently, the computer mouse. One day I found him leaning back on the pillows on my bed with my cell phone to his ear, "Hatt! Hatt! cake!"

Well, when Andrew and I decided to make a cake yesterday afternoon, Isaac could not believe his luck. He got right in the action, stirring the batter and calling Sir Topham Hatt to fill him in on our progress.

The cake is a Chocolate Marble Pound Cake. To be eaten with ice cream, says Andrew. To be shared with Topham Hatt says Isaac. Only if Topham Hatt finishes his dinner, says Mommy.

ABC Thursdays: volumes C & Z

2010-11-04T09:38:00.003-04:00

Car, our
We know a lot of people that live in this city without owning a car. And my hat goes off to them. I think it’s great and noble and preferable to not need your own car and rely solely on public transit. But, sadly, I am not one of those people. We have a car mostly because I wanted one. And I love it. We go through phases when we barely drive it at all. Sometimes all we do is move it across the street for street sweeping. But when we do use it, there are so many great places to go. We take it to state parks, zoos, beaches, the homes of family and friends, the aquarium, museums and on small road trips. I love that we don’t use it a whole lot, but even more, I love the freedom of having it when we want it.

Cookies, I make lots of
I make a lot of cookies. I really like cookies. I like to make Jumbo Chocolate Chip, Brownie Cookies, Sugar Cookies with frosting, Coconut Macaroon Kisses and Pretzel Cookies at Christmas. Today I made a new Oatmeal Cookie recipe that was just perfect. Chock full of nuts, cake-y, soft texture, hearty and delicious. Cookies are so awesome.

Cook
I also make lots of other foods that are not cookies. Right now I make dinner 5 nights a week. I make breakfast every morning except Sunday and I pack lunches for Andrew (and sometimes Dave) on school days. I’ve been through various phases of cooking, and right now I’d say I’m in my “sort-of-local-mostly-vegetarian-leafy-green-quick-to-prepare-whole-foods-bean-soaking-but-tomatoes-from-a-can-lots-of-cumin” stage. It’s delicious!

Zombie Costume Maker
This year for Halloween Andrew wanted to be a zombie. He plays a game on Dave's phone called Plants Versus Zombies...and he doesn't really know what a zombie is. He thinks they are little guys in suits. And I was fine with that. He could be a zombie and not only that, I had the perfect idea for Isaac. He could be a pumpkin! There is even a pumpkin in the game! But, Dave and Andrew agreed that pumpkins are lame. Isaac needed to be a zombie too. So, I made two zombie suits and bought face paint and turned my sweet little boys into sweet little zombies. And I must say, they are the cutest zombies ever. And not at all tired businessmen.

Zealous Blogger
It’s been four years now. Four years of near daily blogging. I started to blog as gift for myself. I wanted a voice. I wanted a platform to show off. I wanted something to help me organize my time. And my blog did that, and a lot more too. A lot of things that are important to me now have grown out of blogging. Because of my daily obsession, I take photos now. I take photography classes. I have a lovely camera and equipment. Also, I now feel much more comfortable writing because I feel like I’ve found a voice: a voice I like and that feels like me. I’ve pushed myself to bake better and more impressive things, learn more about design for my scrapbook pages and tackle hugely impressive projects like my city quilt. Sometimes I feel embarrassed about how much I blog. People must wonder if I have nothing better to do with my time. And so many of my entries are just okay, bordering on dull. I’ve thought about stopping from time to time, but when I push through those times, I usually hit some creative or relational breakthrough. And the growth is what makes it for me.

muffin rations

2010-11-03T09:03:00.005-04:00

Yesterday I left the guys with freshly baked muffins cooling on the stove. I went into the city for an afternoon of mama time, but before leaving outlined strict instructions on the muffins. Only One Per Person. And, Isaac already had his. So, the only people that can muffins this afternoon are a) Dave and b) Andrew. When I get back, there should only be two missing muffins.

Let's just say I learned this lesson the hard way a couple of weeks ago. I made some fancy muffins (cream cheese filling!) and came to home to almost no muffins at all. Let's just say "We left you one!" was not good enough.

And yesterday, luckily for everyone, the rule was respected. Good thing, because I was this close to looking into a muffin body guard.

Want to make muffins that requiring hiring a guard?
Here's the recipe!

Almond Pear Muffins
1 cup flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 t baking powder
1 t baking soda
1 t cinnamon (or, you know, more than that)
1/4 t salt
1/4 t ground cloves (you can also add nutmeg and ginger, but I've been on such a clove kick that I double the cloves and didn't bother with nutmeg and ginger)
2 eggs
1/2 c yogurt (recipe says plain, I used vanilla!)
1/2 c milk
1/2 cup veg oil
1 t almond extract
1 cup chopped, peeled pear
1/2 cup chopped almonds

Mix it all up. Put in a muffin tin. And bake at 400 for 12-15 minutes. Makes 15.
Stand guard.

temperature management

2010-11-02T11:46:00.006-04:00

The heat is officially on.

Last week I was wearing short sleeved shirts, short pants and sandals. Then we had a few cool days, leading into cold ones. For a few days we bundled up in sweatshirts and blankets, several pairs of socks while tucked away inside our cold home. I wanted to endure it a little because I knew, once the heat turned on, it would be on, and it would be brutal. Then, yesterday, we made the call to the landlord. It's time. And now, I am back in a short sleeved shirt as the heat is doing its extremely thorough job of slowly baking us for the winter.

This dry heat, although quite roasty toasty, is still much better than summer's fury. I'll take nose bleeds and dry skin over oppressive humidity any day! And, this morning when I woke up to the dry smell of our heaters at work, I thought, "almost Christmas!" and that is right up my alley.

Oh Winter, how I've missed you.

Boo! 2010

2010-11-01T08:22:00.012-04:00

1. Andrew wanted nothing to do with the cleaning out of the pumpkin. Isaac couldn't get enough of it. Andrew decided to draw a blueprint of what the pumpkin should look like as his way of participating. Isaac decided he would do just about anything to participate. He would be thrilled if we carved pumpkins daily.
2. Isaac was fascinated by the lit pumpkin. He kept pointing out the eyes and nose and mouth and kept hugging the lit pumpkin (!) while Andrew ran around trying to make it as dark as possible in our apartment so we could enjoy the pumpkin light in all of its glory.
3. Andrew was better about getting make up than Isaac, but neither were great about it. ;)
4. This year Andrew nailed Trick or Treating. He did the full "treat or treat!" "thank you!" and "Happy Halloween!" And even explained to a few folks, "This is my little brother. He doesn't know how to say Trick or Treat."
5. Usually we stay on the main street and just hit the stores. But a lot of stores closed early (since it was Sunday?) so we hit up a lot of houses. When people would open their doors, Andrew sometimes would say a huge "HI!!!!" like they were old buds. Then after the candy was collected he would come running at us announcing, "I got TWO pieces of CANDY!!!" This was easily his most enthusiastic year.
6. And I'd say, it was our best Halloween ever. Andrew simmered in anticipation, knew what to do, remembered the drill, and LOVED it. Isaac had no idea what was going on, but was thrilled by the unexpectedness of it all. And, you know how it works, when they love it, we love it. And we loved it.

little rascal

2010-10-29T10:59:00.004-04:00

ABC Thursdays: volumes F & S

2010-10-28T08:28:00.005-04:00

warning: some of these entries are edited blog posts...so you may have read them before. You are not experiencing deja vu, I am really am reusing material.

Fresh Direct
I love Fresh Direct. I think Fresh Direct is the best idea on the planet and I plan on using Fresh Direct for as long as I need groceries. I love ordering my groceries on their website while I pour over my cookbooks trying to decide what to cook and bake for the coming week. They have great selection, competitive prices and fantastic service. When they say they will be at your home with your groceries between 2 and 4, they really will be there between 2 and 4. And often closer to 2 than 4. They have organic meats, fancy cheese and heck, even wine. But the best part is having someone bring my groceries right to my kitchen counter. And all I have to do is put them away. Sure beats corralling my kids in the grocery store.

Floors
I often measure how together I feel by the status of my floors. If I'm walking around on dirty floors, hopping over toys to get to the ringing phone, in a ridiculous game of hopscotch, then I've probably said to myself several times that day "man, I've got to pull it together". When my floors are clean and clutter free I feel like a good and honest person, a thorough and caring parent and a talented and consistent homemaker. I love clean floors. I keep the floors clean by mopping once a week, doing a toy-pick up twice a day and sweeping after meals. It usually works. But if something slips and I don’t get to one of my floor-duties, our whole apartment feels trashed. And then I know, I’ve got to pull it together already.

Special Education
Andrew started receiving Special Education services last winter. And I have a feeling that by this winter Isaac too will be getting Special Education services. This is something that I feel really, really conflicted about. I wrestle with it. I’m constantly processing some new aspect of having children in Special Education. At this point, it is not easy for me. I worry a lot. I cry a lot. I lose a lot of sleep wondering about their future. I absolutely want what’s best for them. I feel strongly that if they need extra support, they should get it. But, it’s also something I feel genuinely sad about. I find it really challenging to have atypical kids, to have kids that need more help, that are behind in some areas, that may or may not have bright futures.

But, I also have my days, when I am so absolutely over-the-moon, bonkers for my kids, that I feel glad that my kids are a little different. I read once of a disabled person who refers to able-bodied people as non-disabled. She does that because she thinks that when you don’t have a disability, you are missing out on something too. And I can absolutely see that. I think it is hard to have children with Special Needs, but also really rich. They see the world so differently…and although it’s that very difference I fight against, it’s also what makes being my children’s mother totally magical.

Subway Stairs
When I walk down the subway stairs carrying Isaac in his stroller, which I do at least once a day, I am always, always petrified of falling. It’s easily the most frightening part of my day.

bare-naked cookies

2010-10-27T12:09:00.003-04:00

I had big plans for these babies. Glaze, frosting, sprinkles. Halloween Cookie Glory. But, well, I have a cold. And I've been missing craft night and instead of mixing up batches of colored frosting, I've been going to bed right after we put the kids down. And so, these cookies will go unfrosted. And it seems I'm the only one that noticed. ;)

No need to panic, however! This Saturday is the Halloween Party at our church and I am in charge of some of the activities. Halloween Glory to come. Count on it.

I'm too tired for this

2010-10-26T08:36:00.007-04:00

Andrew's new go-to phrases are, 'I'm too tired for this.' and 'I don't have much time.'

Yesterday when I asked him to take his jacket off, he got it half-way off and tells me, "I can't do this. I don't have much time."

On Sunday afternoon while we were getting the boys ready for the playground Andrew tells us, "I can't go to the playground. I don't have much time."

And my favorite, last week, while doing his homework he starts to write, "I'm too tired for this" at the top of his homework paper. "Mom, how do you spell tired?" I pointed out that writing "I'm too tired for this" would take a lot longer to write than actually doing the homework on the sheet.

All this makes me wonder if these are phrases I say a lot. But, I don't think so. I can't remember saying "I'm too tired for this" though I'm sure I've said, "I don't have much time." But I don't say it that much.

Perhaps the new Kindergarten schedule is catching up to him. Poor guy. Maybe we should look into earlier bedtimes to help him not feel so tired. Though, it wouldn't help with him feeling so pressed for time. Seems like a Catch 22, I'm afraid.

This was my mom's birthday card. Though, when I talked her on her birthday, she told me all about the card my sister sent her. Man, what is with THAT?? ;)

weekend

2010-10-25T08:00:00.002-04:00

Often I want part of the weekends to be a photography project. I want to go somewhere cool and try to get some nice pictures. Sometimes it's exhilarating. I feel excited about the pictures and the process. It's exciting and fun and creative. Sometimes it's stressful. I feel like I am missing all the good shots. Or I can't quite get it to work like I want. And sometimes I just don't feel like taking any pictures at all. I get shy and self-conscious and can't bring myself to pull out my camera. But this past weekend, it felt more relaxed than all that.

On Saturday we met Kirsten, Eric and Tess at the Rockefeller State Park Preserve. We walked around on the hiking trails and it was really, really beautiful. While we were walking around, I didn't feel exhilarated by the photos, or in a funk either. I was just glad to be outside on a beautiful fall day with my kids and my friends and my camera.

And then Dave offered to carry my books home from school. Or at least, that's what I think every time I see this photo. ;)

On Sunday we stayed in our neighborhood, which is also looking just lovely. We went to the playground in the afternoon.

We are working with Isaac on not running away. And he isn't really at a place to appreciate good boundaries. So we get lots of tears from time to time.

And that was that.
Hope you had a lovely weekend!

week's recap

2010-10-22T08:36:00.006-04:00

I'm feeling in the groove of figuring out again how to work at home.
It's not been all smooth sailing, there have definitely been hiccups.
But, I'm getting there.
I don't feel nearly as exhausted this week as I did this time last week.
Everything that seemed really hard on Tuesday (changing Isaac's diaper, working with Andrew and his school, folding laundry), doesn't seem that hard today.
Tonight I plan on watching "The Nightmare Before Christmas" with Andrew.
Maybe I should make some popcorn.
This weekend we have plans to find some trees and walk around in them.
And perhaps finally check out the new Purl Soho (right Mama V?).
And, on Sunday, is the National Event: MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY!!! I swear she gets prettier each year. (and I'm hoping the same for myself! I do look at lot like her!)

and that's a wrap.

ABC Thursdays: volumes H & B

2010-10-21T08:22:00.002-04:00

Holidays
Every year in the early fall I start to panic. The best part of the year is fast upon us and I start to worry about how much fun we need to have. I have a long list of things I like for us to do to celebrate the holidays, from apple picking in September to counting down to the New Year. This year I have a little notebook to write down all of my holiday ideas. I’ve already sketched out Halloween costumes and Christmas card layouts. I’ve marked up my calendar with outings to corn mazes and Halloween parades. This year, and for years to come, we will celebrate well. Just try to stop me.

Heat
I am not so good in the heat. I prefer a cool day, a rainy day, a blizzard, a perfect Spring day to a hot day. Any day. There is something about the weight of the heat on my chest, feeling like I cannot breath or move or think that just gets me down. The sun starts to feel like an intrusive enemy, mocking me to come outside and then beating me down when I do. Those first days of fall, when I can finally put my jeans back on, when the air is fresh and the skies are overcast, often end up feeling like a reward for making it through summer.

Halloween
I love Halloween a lot. The costumes, the decorations, the pumpkins, the parades, the baking: it’s just a whole lot of crazy fun. October is definitely my favorite month.

Bagels
On Sunday mornings, Dave and Andrew go to the local bagel place to get bagels for breakfast. I love this routine, perhaps more than they do. I love that I don’t have to get right up and think about feeding hungry tummies first thing on Sunday morning. I love teasing Andrew about “no American cheese!” as he tries to decide if I’ve earned my cheddar. And sometimes, Dave comes back with a flavored coffee from the neighboring café. It’s a perfect routine for Sunday mornings. The rest of the week however….it’s up and at ‘em right away. There's just no getting around that, I’m afraid.

Brooklyn, resident of
We’ve lived in Brooklyn for 8 years now. And at this stage of the game, after many peaks and valleys, I like it. It’s home. I like our playground, riding the train to Andrew’s school, feeling like a part of something big, and the access we have to great places to go on the weekends. I like how living in Brooklyn makes us live small. We live in a two bedroom apartment that we are continuously purging so that we do not become overrun with stuff. I like how living in Brooklyn makes us live big. Dave has landed all kinds of great jobs with great people. I have lofty dreams of going back to school. There are so many opportunities for our kids to grow in whatever direction they want. This city is bursting at the seams with opportunity and that’s a pretty neat thing to say about the place where you live.

working it out

2010-10-20T12:11:00.002-04:00

So, on Sunday night I sat down with my planner to figure out what my weeks would look like now. I needed to know when I would get to the things I need to do...and that brought up the question, what do I need to do?

For the past 2 1/2 years I haven't had paying work. I've worked for me and my fam and I had a great deal of freedom deciding how I was going to spend my time. And, I have to say, these past 2 1/2 years have not been boring ones. I've not been sitting around with 20 extra hours a week, wondering what to do. So something had to budge, but what?

It was easier for me to think about what could not budge. These are things that I need to do:
1. bring Isaac to the playground (just about) every day.
2. feed everyone good food.
3. do not rush, or be late, when picking up Andrew from school.
4. be present to the kids in afternoons for homework, snacks, playtime, etc.
5. don't let the house get too messy/dirty.
6. be creative from time to time.

So, I started with that. I'm doing great with numbers 1 and 2. Number 3 needs a little work. Number 4 is the hardest one to do, but I've been doing it. Number 5 has been fine...though I'm worried about it staying around. And Number 6 needed totally rescheduling.

My work hours, are flexible, but have crept into what used to be the time when I would make cards and scrapbook and sew. I am doggedly determined to keep doing those things, so Dave and discussed a new addition to our routine. Craft nights! Except Dave won't be crafting. Little booger. Monday and Wednesday nights, after Isaac goes to bed, Dave, Andrew and I sit at the dining room table with projects. We gave it a dry run Monday night and it was great! Tonight is round 2 and we'll see how it goes...but I already know what I want to work on. The question is will I be up to it?

What about you? What do you need to do? What can't budge?

candy corn

2010-10-19T08:11:00.006-04:00

On Saturday Andrew and I made a few candy corn garlands. I loved the idea because I think candy corn is really cute, but tastes terrible, making it perfect for decor. I have since learned that not everyone feels this way. ;) And for those people, I feel sad that you have not had better candy experiences.

We've strung things before, so Andrew was pretty good about working with needles. He stuck himself a few times ("oh! it got me!"), but hey, that's just part of the process right? We learned that thinner needles are the way to go.

And there you have it. Cute and simple. It's going to count for our Halloween banner this year.

What about you? How do you feel about candy corn? Better as decor? or Can't eat enough?

weekend

2010-10-18T08:04:00.015-04:00

Weekend don't always work out like we want them too. In fact, sometimes weekends are harder than weekdays and we stumble through trying to make the best of it. But, thankfully, this was not one of those weekends.

We knocked this one outta the park.

On Saturday we stayed home for a lot of the day. Andrew made a marble track, Dave stored our air conditioners and I played a little catch-up from our full and hectic week.

Isaac found Andrew's marble track and ran a few marbles through before...

totally destroying it.

On Sunday, after church, we drove out to the Bronx for Boo at the Zoo!

And I'm sorry, but dang it. These kids are stinkin' cute. And the matching Halloween shirts??? BRILLIANT!! Thank you, ETSY!!!

Now if we can just work on sitting together for a picture...

So, I take the kiddos to a zoo of some kind every few months. But, they never really noticed the animals. Andrew's favorite part is the map. He studies the map we carry around and always wants to know where we are and where we are going.

For Halloween, the zoo had all kinds of fall activities...our favorite being the Hay Maze, of course. I mean, you all could pretty much write the blog for me at this point, no?

We did the Halloween activites and stopped to see a few animals, you know, for the heck of it...but this time something weird happened. Both of the kids noticed that there were animals at the zoo!! Dave put Isaac up on his shoulders so he could see the giraffes (one of the only animals Isaac knows the name of) and Isaac saw them and said, "Giraffe!" And my heart nearly burst.

And we all stood and watched the polar bear play with his ball in the water for a long time, Andrew narrating the play-by-play, Dave and I stealing glances at each other, grateful for a minute that one of us was not running off to chase anybody. It was pretty great.

So, a lovely, restful, productive, fall weekend.
Hope yours was good too!

recap

2010-10-15T08:24:00.002-04:00

I worked hard this week. I worked hard to meet all the demands and do an A+ job. I worked hard for my new gig and tried to make a good impression, communicate things clearly, and work out a schedule that will work for everyone. I worked hard for my kids. I packed lunches, snacks, brought kids to the playground, showed up for a PTA meeting, wrestled, helped with homework, made sure there were clean clothes to wear. I even worked for myself. I kept those floors more or less clean, took time to blog each day, planned some upcoming crafting goodness, and made brownies.

But, I feel like I haven't seen Dave in weeks.

And friends that I used to connect with just about daily I have not been able to connect with.

And I lost Andrew's jacket.

So, this weekend I have big plans for lazy mornings in jammies and time just hanging out with my guys. And a trip to the store to pick up another jacket. I'm sure when all is said and done, these brownies will be GONE.

Have a good, restful weekend!

ABC Thursdays: volume O & K

2010-10-14T12:14:00.003-04:00

Outside
Living in the city I have a different experience of being outside than I did when I lived in the suburbs. My reasons for being outside are different. Outside can seem really far away and sometimes it feels everywhere. It all depends on… the weather.

On beautiful days, outside is really far away. It takes so long to get out. And then once I’m out, I have to go somewhere. Gone are the days of having an outdoor area where I can just be. On beautiful days I have to get shoes on 3 people, pack snacks and drinks and gear up the stroller. I have to get us all down the flight of stairs and once we are outside, we still have to walk to the playground. The process feels long.

On days that are rainy, or windy, or cold, outside is everywhere. Most of the time when I need to get from one place to another, I walk. So, if I need to mail a package and it’s raining, I still need to mail a package. I walk the 10 blocks to the post office, with the stroller covered in a rainsheild and me hiding in a raincoat, hoping the package does not get too wet. There is no avoiding weather in the city.

It is entirely possible, however to avoid certain seasons in the city. The heat and the snow will find me no matter what. Summer and winter are a sure thing. But, if I want to enjoy Spring and Fall, I have to be proactive about doing so. I plan trips to the Botanical Gardens in the Spring and hiking trips and apple picking in the Fall. I make sure to go out and find these gentle seasons and spend some time appreciating them, because if I don’t, they are too easy to miss.

Kindergarten, I used to teach
It’s been about 5 years since I left the classroom. And I still feel like that part of my life is a big one. It still feels significant. I taught for 5 years: 2 years of bilingual ed in Massachusetts, and 3 years at a charter school in Brooklyn. I loved the kids. I loved building relationships with them. I loved seeing them learn. I think that was my favorite part…watching all that growth. I loved teaching reading and I loved doing art projects with them. At this point, I’m not sure if I will go back to teaching. Part of me doesn’t want to: it was exhausting. Part of me does: I was pretty damn good at it and I like doing things I’m good at. Anyway, it’s good to know that I’ll always have that. I’ll always have taught Kindergarten.

Kindergarten, My son is in
A few weeks ago Andrew entered Kindergarten and so far, so good. He’s going to a Special Needs Kindergarten just over the border into Sunset Park and things seem to be going pretty well. No calls from the teacher yet. When Andrew turned 5, a few months before school started, I was really, really sad about it. Since I am quite familiar with 5 year olds from my experience with Kindergarteners, it was the first time that I could clearly see why he needed so much support in school. I could see better than ever why, exactly, he was in Special Ed. And sending him off to Kindergarten made me feel very, very vulnerable. I was scared to send my high-need, challenging, brilliant, adorable kid to a new school without the supports that his preschool offered. But I did it. And, more so, he did it. And everything seems to be working out, just fine. One thing I know about Andrew is that he is here to learn. No matter what, he will learn something. He just can’t help himself.

off kilter

2010-10-13T13:01:00.004-04:00

Remember how in the last few weeks I kept saying things like "ahhhh! Everything is just so lovely! I have just enough to do! No rushing about. Time for the things I need." etc. etc. etc.

Well, since then, things have been thrown significantly off kilter.

And, it's entirely my fault. And I knew it. And I did it anyway.

See, here's what happened. I recently got an email from a friend of a friend. She had gotten my name and contact information four years ago when she was working for a place that was looking for folks that did "children's writing". Now she works at an entirely different place and when they started looking for folks, she still had my name on file. She emailed me to see if I was still interested in that kind of work and it went from there.

It was such a revealing process to apply for this job. Reading over my resume, I felt like I was reading about someone else. I kept thinking, "really? that's my degree?" "Did I really do that work?" "Are these parts of me still valuable?!?" And it turns out, they are! Go figure.

So, now I have a part time, short term job, that I'm sure that once we settle in to the new routine, will all work out fine and dandy. But right now I'm walking around with a startled look wondering how the heck I will get to everything. And I think it will happen and it will be great and I'll have my foot in the door and money in my pocket, but I'm looking forward to two weeks from now, when I've got my footing. At least, I hope it will only take two weeks!

And things at home have not slowed down at all to accommodate my new gig. I have things to tend to for Andrew that will take a little research and logistical legwork, and Isaac, not wanting to be forgotten, was up from 3-5 last night with a stuffy nose that wouldn't let him sleep.

I hope I didn't bite off too much...

I took a few minutes today to make a few quick Halloween cards. I love the first one especially. So simple and quick!

City Boys, Country Boys

2010-10-12T19:46:00.010-04:00

The places my boys know best are Brooklyn, New York and Northern Vermont. Their experiences are towards the extremes of population density: super urban or super rural. We need to visit the 'burbs more to round things out a bit. Andrew walked all through my parents' 100+ year old farm house and noticed "there are NO neighbors in this apartment!" Poor boy is still sorting things out.

This last trip was a long weekend that we packed with little visits with friends and family. We covered a lot of ground.

We stayed at my mom and dad's. My mom definitely has an eye for decor...even her porch was decorated for fall! Unfortunately Isaac disagrees with almost all of her design decisions. These pumpkins in the antique, child-sized wheel barrow? It just looks better all dumped in the yard.

We stopped in to visit my friend Loralee. Loralee lives on farm. She and her husband raise chickens and pigs, have a large garden (enough food for year round produce!) and a Christmas Tree plantation! And they've only just begun! She has two boys, Timothy 3 1/2 and Patrick 1 1/2 and Timothy is able to catch the chickens and hold them! He was walking around with a chicken under one arm while explaining to me the chicken's breed, where the chicken sleeps and where to find the eggs! It was adorable!

Unfortunately I didn't get any pictures of Farmer Tim holding his chicken. But I did catch Isaac and Patrick trying out their chicken catching.

At one point during our visit, Loralee throws open her front window and yells to Timothy, "TIMOTHY! Be GENTLE with the CHICKENS!" which I can safely say I have never, ever yelled out my front window. Ever.

Dave and the boys stopped in to visit Dave's brother while my mom and I slipped away to do some shopping. Uncle Josh has LOTS of toys, and Andrew's favorite is easily the four-wheeler. When Josh rides him around Andrew stares at all of the gauges and numbers on the dashboard. Josh stopped for a minute and Andrew pointed to the speedometer and said, "Ok! Now I want to go THIS fast, but backwards!"

And on our last day there, we stopped in at the Vermont Corn Maze. It was pretty incredible. Better, dare I say, than the Queens Corn Maze we did last month.

We met our friend Erin and her son, Henry there, and troopers that they are, they braved the maze with us. It was beautiful and lots of fun!

And that was the stories of the weekend.
The end. ;)

back and back at it

2010-10-12T08:21:00.002-04:00

We got back from our trip to Vermont late last night. And this morning I was up early packing lunches, getting Andrew off to school and getting myself ready for, gulp, work.

That's right. I'm a working girl again. I was hired for a short term, part time gig (only 2 months!) and for the most part I'll be working from home. But, today and tomorrow I have to go into the office for training.

I hope to check back in later today!
See you soon!