Thursday, October 25, 2007

Little Gift.

Yesterday afternoon I had to pick up a friend at the airport. Except that her flight got delayed. I had prepared by decorating cookies and getting my work done in the morning. Then, Andrew went down for a long nap and I had the afternoon. More play time.

I got this little scrapbooking kit in the mail a few weeks ago and I hadn't really thought what to do with it. The theme of the kit was "hope" or maybe "courage". Something like that. This somewhat aligned to something I wanted to experiment with. I was thinking of making a little scrapbook about the city. About my struggle with living here. I wanted to give myself some creative time to think more about those themes and then make something. I don't really know what I made. I don't know if it is a prayer or a pep talk. It might a message to Andrew about challenges in life. Or even a message to myself about life's challenges. I don't know yet. But I liked doing it.

When I was looking at the photo I took of the giant "NY" billboard, I realized that I often feel overwhelmed here. I need things like peace and courage in those heavily urban scenes. I felt like I was challenging the edgy nature of Soho by sticking 'peace' and 'courage' stickers next to that picture. Take that!

But then, when looking at the picture of the Cyclone roller coaster in Coney Island I was thinking about how wonderful some parts of the city are. I need to choose to be in the moment at times. To dig out and soak in the joy that I find here. To focus on that.

There are two blank pages in this little book. Two incomplete sections. Those are the pages for journaling. And I'm not sure yet what I want to say. I just know that I want to think about it and put some good effort into it. Sometimes I find writing and words so helpful to organize what I am thinking. And other times I feel like they do me wrong. So, I want to spend a good bit of time with them to help me say what I want to say.

Whatever that might be.


Firefly said...

I like it when you post about your struggle with NYC. You have such interesting things to say when you discuss this part of your life. It calls forth some of the depth of you, I think.

I struggled with living in NYC, too. My three years there were excruciating. I associate struggle with that city, in fact. While I was there, I wanted nothing more than to get out.

Now, whenever I see pictures of scenes like that one of the billboard in Soho--which used to make me feel overwhelmed, too--I feel so homesick. After all that struggle, ironically, NYC is the only place besides home I ever feel homesick for.

Funny how things go.

Robyn said...

Thanks Firefly.

Often when I post about my struggles here I feel like asking the audience "is this okay? is it okay if I complain a bit? if I sort this out here? or is it too much a downer?" So, I feel like you officially gave me permission.

Thanks, Firefly. I'll take it.