quiet

We had a very quiet weekend. Even my camera was quiet. And honestly, I am craving adventure. I've been googling things like "vacation to Saskatchewan" "arctic adventure with kids" and then more reasonably "indoor water parks near NYC". I just want to GO right now. And I want to Go Winter. I want to wander around in snowy woods and breathe it all in and let that air clear my head. I'd love to go snow-shoeing or cross-country skiing, but then how do you bring little ones on adventures like that? I'm sure it's done (Loralee?), I'm just not sure how. And I'm not sure I can do it in an indoor water park. But I'm at the point where adventure is adventure and even silly adventure would fit the bill.

I wonder if this is a case of cabin fever, urban edition. Could be. So, I'm on the lookout for fun and if you see anything good or have any good ideas, let me know.

Speaking of silly adventure, and no Day Out With Thomas did not pay me to say this, but this weekend in September was heart-soaring lovely. More of this, please.

kindness: mid-January

Things I've noticed about kindness lately:

1. Going out with friends is kind. Connecting and following up and caring is kind. I can get shy about that kind of thing and pushing away that shy-ness and taking the risk is kind. Being social is kind.

2. Hiding in my room to give my family a break from Robyn The Grouch: very, very kind. Perhaps an award-winning move. Being anti-social is kind.

3. Whenever I have to rush somewhere I am not kind at all. Giving myself some extra time? kind. And then when I am late, trying my darndest to not care and tell myself that it's alright to be late? It usually helps. Trying to do it right is kind. Forgiving myself when I don't is kind.

4. Kindness is knowing that not everyone is going to agree with every decision you make and just letting that be.

Am I any kinder than 2 weeks ago? Nope.
Have I learned more about kindness. I think so.

brown

In school Andrew and I are reading My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss. I really like this book. The illustrations are so pretty, the words are so clever and I love what the book is trying to say. It goes through each color and describes what that color might feel like. And when I get to brown, I feel such relief.

I listened to a Radio Lab show a few weeks ago and I heard the host say something like, "when the first personal cameras were put on the market, the directions on the back of the box said try to get your subject to smile at the camera creating a culture where happiness is king." It didn't go exactly like that, but you get the idea. And it's something I keep thinking about...this underlying notion that happy is the best way to feel. And if you don't feel happy...perhaps fake it? Anyway, when I feel sad, not only do I feel sad, but I often feel self-conscious about it.

Andrew's not the best at knowing his own emotions. He'll often tell us he's happy when he's clearly not. We've been working on adding "sad" "angry" "scared" to his descriptive repertoire...with slow and steady progress. He's not at 100%, but honestly, neither am I.

So when I get to the brown page in My Many Colored Days, I want to hug Dr. Seuss. It says, "Some days, of course, feel sort of Brown. Then I feel slow and low, low down." It has a painting of a big, brown bear sleeping in a dark cave. The painting feels warm and soft and a-ok. It's normal and natural and fine to feel brown. Hurray for brown!

Yesterday I asked Andrew to paint the animal/color that he feels like today. A bit abstract, for sure, but he picked the bird, found just-the-right blue and painted it. He's been working on his flying lately ("when I run fast, I can fly!" "Mom, I have wings on my back. They are locked on. You cannot take them off, not even with the smallest key.") so I wasn't surprised he chose the bird. In fact I think it's great he could identify with the bird. I just don't want him to feel like he has to identify with it.

Or I guess, I don't want to feel like I have to, either.
Because man, does that brown bear look cozy and warm.

I put together this scrapbook page using Andrew's paintings of the planets from the planet banner and the blog post I wrote here.

And right now? It's lightly snowing and the weekend is ahead. Tess turns 2 and we are planning to party hard. I hope yours is lovely!

kindness: here we go

My word for this year is kindness. It's not a resolution, it's just something I want to think about more.

I am on the phone a lot right now trying to arrange services for my kids. Sometimes it feels like the conversation could easily become confrontational and confrontation makes me squirm. But I've noticed that if I approach that conversation with kindness, I always feel better afterward. Kindness makes me feel good and settled. Defensiveness makes me feel on edge and upset. And I would just rather feel good and settled, you know? I pretty much want to feel good and settled as much as possible.

But I also think kindness means having a bit of a backbone. It's not kind to my kids or myself if I just let us fall through the cracks. Right now kindness means calling the Special Ed office every day until I get things squared away. It means being assertive. It means showing up and getting the job done.

Since thinking more about kindness I've also been noticing that choosing kindness will mean letting go of perfection. Trying to make things perfect, often makes me mean. Trying to get out the door, on time, with my hair just so, and the toys neatly stacked and the bathroom freshly scrubbed makes me stressed which makes me mean. I've noticed that a lot of my standards are not kind ones. They are vain ones. And letting go of that will be hard. Let's be honest, it just might not happen, but it's sure worth some more thought.

I definitely don't want kindness to be the goal. I don't want to put myself in the position that this kindness thing backfires. I can easily see myself starting to get upset about something, remembering that my aim is kindness, and then feeling worse, not better. Sadly, my inner critic can be brutal about that kind of thing.

So this year I am going to think and reflect about kindness. I won't always be kind. I know that going in. Heck, it's the 5th and I already have lots of examples of times when I was not kind. But I want to notice more the times when I am kind and what it means and what happens when I am. I think that kindness could end up being a good tool helping me to be assertive and helping me to reach out more.

I am starting a kindness journal, inspired by Ali Edwards' One Little Word class.

We'll see where this goes. Hopefully very, very far.

December Daily: finishing her up

Yesterday, while a blizzard brewed around us, I finished up this little album. As usual, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were jam packed with stories that I wanted to record and remember. So instead of giving each of those days one page each, each day got several pages. Some of the pages are just two photos glued together back to back.

We had a lovely Christmas. And a wild Christmas Eve. It was a great, great holiday. Feel free to read any of our little stories of Christmas, found on the photos below. Kids make Christmas just amazing. Though, I have to say, Mamas make Christmas pretty amazing too. ;)














And now? There are drifts of snow several feet high just begging for kids to buried in. We're gearing up and going out!

December Daily: keep on keepin' on

Here are my recent additions to my December Daily album. I just uploaded photos from the weekend, but haven't even thought about adding them yet. I am really enjoying the process of stockpiling photos and recording several days at a time, instead of trying to get to it every day. And even when my life is filled to the brim, I still really enjoy this project. I've never regretted putting these together each year.

We had a slow weekend. Nursing colds, making homemade gifts, decorating. We spent LOTS of of time on the couch watching old Christmas Specials and I swear Andrew has memorized the script to Frosty the Snowman. We were hoping to drag the boys to 34th street to see Santa, but feverish boys on the subway are always a terrible idea. So, Santa will just have to wait.

It's project time!

Last night, while I talked to my sister on the phone about all the brain sculptures her 3rd grade class is doing (brain lasagna, anyone?), I started assembling the base of my December Daily.



Getting this album ready to fill is one of three Christmas projects I'm hoping to finish by Thanksgiving. 'Tis the season to prepare for advent. Preparing to prepare, so to speak.



This year I am planning on two page spreads for each day of December. Most of the pages have the date and journaling block in the middle of the two pages with a large area on one side for photos. The opposite, often empty page, will either have other photos, or on quieter days, I'll just cover it in patterned paper.






And that's what I have so far!

Check out past year's December Daily's:
2009
2008
2007

temperature management

The heat is officially on.

Last week I was wearing short sleeved shirts, short pants and sandals. Then we had a few cool days, leading into cold ones. For a few days we bundled up in sweatshirts and blankets, several pairs of socks while tucked away inside our cold home. I wanted to endure it a little because I knew, once the heat turned on, it would be on, and it would be brutal. Then, yesterday, we made the call to the landlord. It's time. And now, I am back in a short sleeved shirt as the heat is doing its extremely thorough job of slowly baking us for the winter.

This dry heat, although quite roasty toasty, is still much better than summer's fury. I'll take nose bleeds and dry skin over oppressive humidity any day! And, this morning when I woke up to the dry smell of our heaters at work, I thought, "almost Christmas!" and that is right up my alley.

Oh Winter, how I've missed you.

siblings

I love the relationship that these two have going right now. So, so sweet to see.

What he did on his summer vacation