Yesterday I got some startling news. Well, startling to me. My job-job called to tell me that they will not have any projects for me until June. They are terribly understaffed for a variety of reasons and there is no one to oversee my work. So everything is on hold until the hiring begins. They think it will take a while.
I called Dave. We exchanged bits of worry over the phone. Neither of us too concerned about making ends meet. We are more concerned about me. I have really enjoyed the need-to-do::want-to-do tension for the last year. The balance that a few hours of work added to things. And I am scared and worried about what things will look like without it. I am scared to be bored. I am scared of depression.
But, neither of those things have happened yet. I have not been bored. I have not been sad. And I am trying to take action. This morning I sat down with my planner and outlined a plan. What my days would look like. How I would fill them. How I could arrange things to feel good and productive and useful and healthy. Seems like an incredibly hard balance to hit. I have been so lucky.
So I have a plan. A good plan, I think. A plan that will add learning photoshop as on online course. A plan that will allow time for cleaning and baking and the homemaking that I get such a kick out of. And, a plan to get out of the house regularly with Andrew to explore our city. I looked up what museums and zoos are free on what days and mapped out a place to go each week. This week: the Transit Museum. Andrew is a sucker for trains and buses and I have not taken him to that museum yet. It's sure to be a hit.
You would think that growing a baby and minding a toddler and keeping up around the house is enough. More than enough. Especially at the end of pregnancy. And it may be. But I need a plan, just in case. I owe it to myself and to Andrew and to Dave to be a happy, healthy mom and wife.
And that alone can be a lot of work.
3 comments:
It sounds like a good plan. Who knows, maybe these few months of sabbatical will work out perfect with the pregnancy. I think it's a great idea to take a class. I find that working on a specific skill can fill in for the structure that work provides AND then you end up with a new skill at the end of it. :)
Maybe we'll have to meet at a museum one day.
I was wondering if you would to join us now and then! You'll have to remind me about your schedule and what days you are free!
I am jealous of your energy! You already do so much and are such an amazing mom and homemaker. How can you do even more? I hope the day comes when I have as much energy as you--you are truly an inspiration, albeit a far reach for me right now!
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