Lately I have not been working. And I really can't tell how I feel about that. I mean, it makes sense. I just had a baby and needed some time to figure out the new family before launching into work. But yesterday, as I was tinkering with tinker toys with Andrew and waiting for Dave to come home from work, I wondered about how I am spending my time right now.
It felt like I was waiting. Waiting for Dave to get home. Waiting for the groceries he was bringing so I could finish dinner. Waiting for Isaac to wake up and eat again. But also waiting for Andrew to get older. Grow up. Go off to school. Waiting for him to learn to use the potty. Waiting for days at home with babies to draw to a close. And I didn't like that.
The truth is that I love staying home with my little ones. I feel like it was what I was put on earth to do. I mean, my goodness, I am so domestic. And being domestic isn't really cool or pc or fashionable, but I feel like it just seeps out of me. It's what I like and it's what I'm good at.
But the times I've been happiest with this home-all-day routine has been when I was working. Working from home, on my computer while Andrew mastered Mr. Potato Head and created lego towers. I thrived off the tension that it created in my day. It was just enough to do. And oddly, I felt like it made me a better mother.
So, again I am waiting. I waiting to hear from two different companies about doing some writing for them. I am worrying if I have time for it. But I want to see if I do and I think the only way to know is to try.
3 comments:
I am a "sahm" of one 2 1/2 year old boy and I feel pretty much the same as you. I wish I could find some work that I could do from here. I do feel lucky that I can stay home and take care of Jacob (while hoping for a second baby) but sometimes I miss being "useful and productive". Thanks for the great blog and all the inspiration!
Cathy
I know what you mean about the wait. I have more thoughts, but...
YOu were so close to us! And Chris was working a lot this weekend, so I could have come to visit you in Brattleboro! I probably would have told you the Coop for lunch, but there's also the best bakery ever that overlooks the river and has the best chocolate croissants. Isn't Sprout cool? I want to live there. Did you hit the Farmer's Market? Next time you are going to be there, call me! And if you ever want to go to any more hippie towns, call me, too, because we have a lot of them around here. In Brattleboro, there's even a restaurant called Common Ground, where you pay whatever you want for the food, because that's your personal right.
P.S. I didn't mean I want to live at Sprout, although that rocking chair is comfy. I meant I want to live in Brattleboro.
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