minivans and garbage disposals

At night during beach week, we always walk on the boardwalk. Sometimes we go on rides, or send our children on rides. Sometimes we shop. And we always get ice cream.

Often as I walk with my family I look at the other families and think about their lives back home. I assume that most of the other families live in the suburbs. But I also assume they have dishwashers, garbage disposals, driveways and garages. I picture moms driving children to school in minivans. Backing the minivan down the driveway. And usually, when I think about the family heading off to school, I also picture that it's raining. I'm not sure why, but I do.

And then I feel jealous. I start tallying my life in terms of conveniences and small appliances.

I want a dishwasher. I want a garbage disposal. I want a suburban life with all of it's glorious bells and it's glorious whistles. I want to drive my kids to school in my minivan in the rain.

But this time it was different. As I walked and wondered what the other families lives are like I thought about their perks. And I still wish I had them. But I realized how much I have that I actually want.

I want to be home with my kids. I want to be married to the man I am married to. I want him to continue to succeed in his career. And right now those things mean that I live in a big city in an apartment without garages or minivans. In fact, in this city I am lucky to have the perks that I do have (a washer and dryer!).

So although it can be a struggle to make a life that makes sense to me here, and although I still hope (and pray when I'm up to it) that at some point we make a graceful exit from this town, this last week I realized how much of all this has been my choice. And, turns out, it's more than I thought.

and who needs a garbage disposal anyway?