Monday, January 12, 2009
I realized I need a change. I can't keep this up. Something has got to change. Not only am I not able to sprint Mommy marathons (which is what today felt like) everyday, I have no desire to. Right now I'm not aiming to be anyone's hero or rewrite parenting in a profound way or reach new heights in crafting. I am in survival mode. And I will survive. And I will be stronger and lovelier and possibly even more amazing for surviving. But, I've gotta say, survival mode is hard.
Here is what I am thinking:
1. Andrew is going to preschool next year. Even if we have sell large pieces of our furniture, that kid is going. He needs it. I need it. He'll love it. I'll love it.
2. Crafting/blogging time might need to be moved to the evenings. Quiet time has petered out on us and I can't do the projects I used to be able to do in the afternoons.
3. I am thinking of hiring a mama's helper. Maybe a high school girl from our church to take Andrew to the playground a few afternoons a week. The break would be great. And it might be worth budgeting for.
4. Gentle reminders and attempts at perspective. I know Andrew and I have had times like these before. I remember a few weeks last Spring when I was pregnant with Isaac that were terrible. And they came and went. But this stint goes on and on and on. It's tempting to think that isn't temporary and that this is what my future is. But, while I work my butt off right now to try to do the right thing with him (be loving, firm, steady....sigh) I can't help but hope that this is all temporary.
5. An award. Today I present myself with the "Holy Smokes You Worked Hard Today And You Deserve Chocolate Cookies" award.
Meanwhile Isaac's in the sweet seat while Firefly's in town!