Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Everyday



on our way home from the playground, Andrew has certain stops that he makes. He has to walk on some stones, talk to a man we always see reading in front of his building and peek through a fence at a swimming pool. I've been noticing more and more lately that Andrew can be quite particular about things. If we didn't stop on our way home to do one of his routines, he would be really upset. The whining, defiant kind of upset. And I really don't like that kind of upset.

I feel like it is a careful, fine line that I stumble along. Do I give him the time and space to do the routines he needs/wants to do? Do I teach him that his needs/wants should not always come first? How do I know if he really needs those kinds of routines or if he is just stalling and trying to control the situation? And what if his needs are to stall and control the situation?

I go back and forth a lot about letting him be and pushing him to be more like I want him to be. Teaching him to be kind and reflective, but accepting him as he is. And there is probably a balance, but I haven't found it.

But don't you worry, I'll keep looking! For now, we'll keep making our stops.


8 comments:

Danielle said...

Brice is the same way and Seth and I often ponder over the same dilemma. Good luck :)

Mama V said...

Whoa, Lucas used to do the same thing when he was much younger. He would fall apart if I changed things up! I took it as a predictability thing. The control part didn't seem like it had to do with power struggles between him and me but him simply feeling confident in knowing the routine day in and day out. But that was a different age/stage than Andrew...

I'd love to know what he talks about with that Richard guy!

I saw the word "God" in one of those stars and thought you were cutting up another Bible! Sheesh! ;) I now see that it's not a Bible, but I think it'd be funny years from now for others to look back at your scrapbook pages and wonder why there was so much cut-up scripture here and there. ('What in the world was she going through and trying to say?!') ;)

Robyn said...

Mama V, that IS funny! I was working on my quilt today and saw the word circumcision on the bus I made! It's turning out to have an underlying theme of circumcision! Yikes!

Loralee said...

Timothy has the same behavior and I find it so frustrating at times, and at other times, I am able to remind myself that he is just a little boy who depends intensely on routine. I don't think it's anything to worry about, and I'm sure it's going to last certainly at least until he is Andrew's age. Much of the time, I roll along with it, although there are times that just doesn't work and he has to lump it. Perhaps those times (and crying fits that are part and parcel of the lump it situation) will help him realize that the world will not end if routine gets shaken some what.

Either that, or I'm raising a seriously OCD kid.

We'll see.

Incredible trees, by the way. I love them!

Melissa said...

I hear you. Atticus has his routines, too, and we find the balance can be tricky. Sometimes I think we are crazy to let him have all these routines, and other times, I think, "Hey! What if someone much bigger than me were always in my way trying to stop ME from doing things MY way?!" Then it would be a different story.

But it's hard to figure, isn't it?

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