Thursday, October 28, 2010
ABC Thursdays: volumes F & S
warning: some of these entries are edited blog posts...so you may have read them before. You are not experiencing deja vu, I am really am reusing material.
I love Fresh Direct. I think Fresh Direct is the best idea on the planet and I plan on using Fresh Direct for as long as I need groceries. I love ordering my groceries on their website while I pour over my cookbooks trying to decide what to cook and bake for the coming week. They have great selection, competitive prices and fantastic service. When they say they will be at your home with your groceries between 2 and 4, they really will be there between 2 and 4. And often closer to 2 than 4. They have organic meats, fancy cheese and heck, even wine. But the best part is having someone bring my groceries right to my kitchen counter. And all I have to do is put them away. Sure beats corralling my kids in the grocery store.
I often measure how together I feel by the status of my floors. If I'm walking around on dirty floors, hopping over toys to get to the ringing phone, in a ridiculous game of hopscotch, then I've probably said to myself several times that day "man, I've got to pull it together". When my floors are clean and clutter free I feel like a good and honest person, a thorough and caring parent and a talented and consistent homemaker. I love clean floors. I keep the floors clean by mopping once a week, doing a toy-pick up twice a day and sweeping after meals. It usually works. But if something slips and I don’t get to one of my floor-duties, our whole apartment feels trashed. And then I know, I’ve got to pull it together already.
Andrew started receiving Special Education services last winter. And I have a feeling that by this winter Isaac too will be getting Special Education services. This is something that I feel really, really conflicted about. I wrestle with it. I’m constantly processing some new aspect of having children in Special Education. At this point, it is not easy for me. I worry a lot. I cry a lot. I lose a lot of sleep wondering about their future. I absolutely want what’s best for them. I feel strongly that if they need extra support, they should get it. But, it’s also something I feel genuinely sad about. I find it really challenging to have atypical kids, to have kids that need more help, that are behind in some areas, that may or may not have bright futures.
But, I also have my days, when I am so absolutely over-the-moon, bonkers for my kids, that I feel glad that my kids are a little different. I read once of a disabled person who refers to able-bodied people as non-disabled. She does that because she thinks that when you don’t have a disability, you are missing out on something too. And I can absolutely see that. I think it is hard to have children with Special Needs, but also really rich. They see the world so differently…and although it’s that very difference I fight against, it’s also what makes being my children’s mother totally magical.
When I walk down the subway stairs carrying Isaac in his stroller, which I do at least once a day, I am always, always petrified of falling. It’s easily the most frightening part of my day.