Wednesday, April 4, 2007

30 seconds



I had one of those moments that you are not sure whether or not you want to have. I saw someone from high school.

I have kept in touch with a mere handful of friends from high school (Hi Loralee!), but this was different. This was someone I haven't seen in ten years. I haven't kept in touch with her.

We used to be pretty close. She was my best friend in the seventh grade. We had sleep overs, went trick-or-treating together, and even imagined having 'boyfriends' (whatever that means in 7th grade...) that were buddies so we could all hang out. Once we hit high school we wandered down different paths and drifted apart.

When I saw her she looked sad. Not just having-a-bad-day sad, the sad had settled in. It settled in a while ago. The way she walked, the way she looked, her expression all spoke of sad. I was sitting in my car, waiting for my mom to come out of a store when I saw her pull up in hers, get out and head inside. I stared. Was it her? It had to be. I heard that she was working for her dad. A minimum wage (or barely more) job. She had a couple of kids. And, from seeing her, it doesn't look like she is pleased with the way it all turned out.

It makes me feel lucky. But the kind of lucky that you only notice when you see that someone else doesn't feel lucky. That dosen't seem like a very good lucky to feel. Feeling lucky at someone else's expense. I often get down about where I live...the city, the small apartment...and although I do think that those are very real challenges for me...I think that I would chose those challenges when seeing what others are facing. It makes me feel mean to think that. I don't really know how to undertand the "at least I have it better than _______" line of thought. But, in this situation...I think I do have "it" better than she does.

I know I am reading a lot into a 30 second spot in my life. And am reading even more into a 30 second spot in her life. But I don't think I am too far off. It leaves me wondering why things turn out the way they do. Decisions we make? Luck? Parental factors? God?

Anyway, it all has me excited to look for parking, hook my washing machine up to the kitchen sink and head out into the rain to walk three blocks for milk. Honorable or not: it makes me feel like a lucky girl.


8 comments:

Tara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tara said...

I bet that old friend would feel pretty lucky if a beautiful hand-stamped card showed-up in her mailbox from NYC. I know I always do.

Goes On Runs said...

true contentment....not based on circumstances nor my own ability to simply muster it up....it is knowing that god is good & faithful in the midst of my circumstances....so that we are able to rejoice in all things. but it always is easier when my life looks better than someone else....

Robyn said...

I know. I don't like that part. I don't like when folks say to feel lucky about what you have when something bad happens to someone else...but I totally caught myself in that. Just sort of thinking through that...

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed this post. I also had a high school moment this week, but of the online variety. An old friend who I haven't seen since graduation found my blog and left me a link to her blog. Suddenly I have access to all kinds of news and information about my high school classmates. It's so strange to compare lives!
KC

Robyn said...

KC, don't know if you'll see this, but I am really glad you posted. I was starting to feel a little embarassed about trying to sort out that situation online...I thought I might have come across too harsh...and maybe I did...but it is nice to hear that you know I mean...that's all.
Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this post, Robyn. You put voice to a feeling we all have experienced, I think. Partly, our 'luck' is what we make of our lives, and partly it is our circumstances--I sure am glad I was born in the US rather than the Middle East, for example. And sometimes it takes that snapshot view of someone less fortunate to remind ourselves to be grateful. If that makes us jeer, then we are not dealing with it well, but if it makes us live our lives better, then I think it is a worthwhile and positive lesson. I don't think you were too harsh, in other words.

Loralee

Robyn said...

Thanks Loralee!! That was so nice!