Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Bulldozers



This morning I woke up by the sound of a scooping machine unearthing rocks and bricks out my bedroom window. This lot has been a work in progress for about a year. Last winter, three guys tore down the house that was there, pretty much with their bare hands. It took about three days. The whole house. Then the lot sat. Grass took over. The fence surrounding it encouraged you to call a construction hotline if you saw anything fishy going on. But nothing fishy happened.

Two weeks ago they brought a chainsaw to take down the tree. They mulched it, and hauled off the mulch. Now they are digging.

It's actually really beautiful. Again with that nature bit. The soil underneath is almost red. It looks so rich and fertile. I want to go and play, but that might be dangerous, with that scooping bit and all. I think though, if you saw it, you would want to jump around in there too.

Anyway, yesterday I got some sad news. Friends that had been planning to relocate to my neighborhood have realized that they cannot. It just doesn't make sense. Ironically, they could end up in some suburb somewhere (where I would like to go), while I am here (where they would like to be). Life is a puzzle. Sometimes it seems like a string of wishes-not-granted. It's funny, because I feel like I am waiting. I'm waiting to see what I think about all this. I'm sad. I'm disappointed. But I am hoping (and should be praying) that this is not a catalyst for The Ache to Leave to come back. I hate that Ache. So far, Springtime City Splendor isn't making room for any ache. But, the news is still fresh.

I put a lot of emotional weight into things. I loved the months thinking of them coming, because I love looking forward to things. I loved thinking: Relief from those hot days of August: A friend to go to the beach with! Apartment swapping: A place for my family to stay! 4 o'clock slump: Meet me at the park! A pal. A pal for my kid. A pal close by. A last-minute-is-okay pal. So, today, I am reorganizing my thoughts a bit. Hot August day? hmm....try Kathy. 4 o-clock slump? plan ahead with Laura. Apartment swap? well, we are moving to a 2 bedroom this summer anyway. Chuck can stay with us, a bit smushed with his three kids and wife. a little tight, but possibly manageable.

So, I don't know. I know that they are far more undone than I am.

I also think we both might relate to this bulldozer out my window.
Tearing things up. Unearthing beauty.
Making room to build.

2 comments:

Goes On Runs said...

park tomorrow if no rain?
4:00 sounds perfect!

Seeking La Loba said...

Such sad news! I'm sorry to hear it.