Tuesday, April 1, 2008


I feel myself preparing for Sprout. His crib is not set up. His dresser doesn't get delivered until next week. His clothes still need washing. Andrew and I have been discussing what kind of "Welcome Sprout" decorations to make. There is still a lot to do. And right now, for various reasons, I am not actively doing it.

But whether I like it or not, I am preparing.

I can feel my body getting ready. Ligaments are tender. Bones seem to be shifting. I cannot remember anything like this feeling with Andrew, but here is it. I turn to open a drawer and I feel a pull. And the pull hurts. I say 'ouch' a lot throughout my day now.

And, as I write this, Sprout has the hiccups. I have been feeling his hiccups daily now for almost a week. I figure things must be pretty cramped if I can feel his hiccups.

The other day Dave showed me that he had lots of vacation time stored up, in addition to his already hefty paternity leave (3 weeks!). He decided to take off Wednesdays in April to help me through the week. I feel so enormously blessed by that. Both that he is taking the days off, but also that he has them to take. It feels like splendid luxury. A kind of luxury that enables rest and feelings of support and connection. And right now rest, support and connection are better than bowls of ice cream.

So, my lists are made. The end of things are coming into view. We are in the final stretch. And I am not ready. All this and I am not ready. I want to keep being pregnant. A few more months. Even with the aches and pains and clothes that don't really fit well anymore. And I am really not sure why. I do remember feeling like this with Andrew. Not really ready to give up the Special Pregnancy Part. I even asked by obstetrician about it. "Am I missing some mothering hormone that I am not ready to have the actual baby?" And she said no. She said I was fine. And I was. I ended up ready and anxious and wanting to give birth. So hopefully that will happen again.

Because I talked to Sprout about it. And he said 3 more months are out of the question.


Lorie said...

Great pages. Can you email me those pics of Ashton and Katie in large high quality size? I missed the mall trick or treating.

Loralee said...

I remember feeling the same way. For me, it was because I'm scared of the unknown. I was so excited for our baby, but I had no idea what he would be like, what it would feel like to be a mother, all of the million unknowns there were. I knew it was going to be a challenge, but I didn't know what that meant. While you already know what it means to be a mother, you don't really know what it'll be like having two. How Andrew will really welcome the little guy. How the dynamics of the house will change (especially now that you are seriously going to be outnumbered by males!). It'll be great, I have no doubt, but it is a little scary for B-Day to come and flip everything on its head for a while.

That was how I felt, anyway. It might just be hormones, too!

thedanceofthegates said...

I'm getting excited to meet Sprout. :)

Firefly said...

I really love the pictures of Dave and Andrew. I love how they both look like they are planning something serious and dangerous in the close-up, like they are about to embark on a heist at the mall. And then the shot of them both walking off in different directions--cool as cucumbers and completely incognito (especially Andrew in his undercover garb).