Tuesday, April 1, 2008
I feel myself preparing for Sprout. His crib is not set up. His dresser doesn't get delivered until next week. His clothes still need washing. Andrew and I have been discussing what kind of "Welcome Sprout" decorations to make. There is still a lot to do. And right now, for various reasons, I am not actively doing it.
But whether I like it or not, I am preparing.
I can feel my body getting ready. Ligaments are tender. Bones seem to be shifting. I cannot remember anything like this feeling with Andrew, but here is it. I turn to open a drawer and I feel a pull. And the pull hurts. I say 'ouch' a lot throughout my day now.
And, as I write this, Sprout has the hiccups. I have been feeling his hiccups daily now for almost a week. I figure things must be pretty cramped if I can feel his hiccups.
The other day Dave showed me that he had lots of vacation time stored up, in addition to his already hefty paternity leave (3 weeks!). He decided to take off Wednesdays in April to help me through the week. I feel so enormously blessed by that. Both that he is taking the days off, but also that he has them to take. It feels like splendid luxury. A kind of luxury that enables rest and feelings of support and connection. And right now rest, support and connection are better than bowls of ice cream.
So, my lists are made. The end of things are coming into view. We are in the final stretch. And I am not ready. All this and I am not ready. I want to keep being pregnant. A few more months. Even with the aches and pains and clothes that don't really fit well anymore. And I am really not sure why. I do remember feeling like this with Andrew. Not really ready to give up the Special Pregnancy Part. I even asked by obstetrician about it. "Am I missing some mothering hormone that I am not ready to have the actual baby?" And she said no. She said I was fine. And I was. I ended up ready and anxious and wanting to give birth. So hopefully that will happen again.
Because I talked to Sprout about it. And he said 3 more months are out of the question.
Posted by Dave at 7:31 PM