Friday, October 31, 2008
incomplete, but very long anyway.
This post will be incomplete. It will be incomplete because I want to write out something I've been thinking through and I don't have a clean ending. I don't have a 'therefore'. I just have a scattered group of thoughts and questions that I want to throw out there and let percolate and see what comes of it.
For a long time now I have been developing more and more creativity in myself. I've been pursuing creativity as a way to relax, as a way to challenge myself and as a way to grow. This has become especially important to me since I have become a mom and stopped working outside the home. It's met needs that working and teaching used to meet. And I am really glad that I've allowed it to become so important.
But. Every now and then I have a creative crisis. And I'm in one right now. It's not so much that I've run out of ideas. Or that I'm having a block. I've hit a period of extreme self-criticism when it comes to my creativity. I want to be the kind of creative person that gets published in magazines. That doles out ideas to other people. That has high standards and is among the best of the best. And I'm not there. And I'm not sure that I have it in me. And I'm not sure I want to.
Take the Halloween cookies I made a few days ago. If I think about my family, my friends that I made the cookies for, the people near and dear to me, I think I did a great job! I mean, honestly. Cool cookies. But when I look at other blogs and what others are doing, I think my cookies look sloppy and silly. And I'm not sure what to make of that.
I don't want to outright say that it doesn't matter what other people are doing and that it doesn't matter what other people think. I want to be challenged by others to grow and try different things and to continue to develop this side of myself. But I don't like feeling so critical. And I don't like losing sight of my family and the people I made the cookies for. I want to strike and maintain some sort of balance where I can look at other people's rockin' cookies and look at my rockin' cookies and hold everything in a healthy perspective. Something like: "wow! Those are great cookies! Mine are great too! Next time I might try to do some of things that this person did! That would be fun!"
I think that kind of balance is possible because I'm sure I've been there before. I'm sure this is a period I need to muddle through and just make it to the other side, hopefully with a few lessons learned.
So, my dear readers, can you relate? Do you have an area in your life that is important to you that you are trying to strike a similar tension of wanting to grow without reaching the point of frustration? Any tips on how you muddle those times?
Oh my goodness! And I also want to say: Happy Halloween!
Check back later for pictures of Little Green Aliens pan-handling for Snickers bars for their Amazing Mother.