Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I have been so busy. Christmas, yes. Kids, yes. Day to day family maintenance, yes. But I think it's more than that. I find myself spacing out at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and wondering why. I had a good night's sleep. I haven't done anything too crazy today. Why am I so tired? Is it my diet? Am I not getting enough exercise? Are these cah-razy kids getting to me? What is going on?
Then, I've been laying in bed at night and I cannot shut down. My mind keeps turning and turning. Processing and processing. Going over conversations. Going over events. Making sense of my day. And last night, it occurred to me that I don't allow myself any idle time.
After the kids go to bed, I'm either on to the next project, or turning on the TV or somehow engaging myself with something. The need to be busy. The need to be entertained. The fear of boredom.
So, last night, after trying unsuccessfully to go to sleep early, I decided to engage in some idle time. I did not pick up my book. I did not go and turn on the TV. I opened the curtain and lay on my bed and just thought and thought. I let my mind think about whatever it wanted to think about. Whatever mundane thing my mind needed to make sense of, we thought about that and made sense of that. It was a little bit prayer, a little bit daydreaming, a little bit figuring.
And it was wonderful and peaceful. I found that after some idle time I had more perspective on where things are right now. On what I wanted and needed and have and do. And that perspective was so nice and refreshing and seemed better than sleep itself.
So, I'm thinking that my New Year's goal (I am SO ahead of the game) will be about idleness. About making time for it and using it and learning from it.
And that's what I have for you today.