Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Andrew in school

I met with Andrew's teacher last week for our first parent-teacher meeting. We both are concerned about Andrew's language and his social skills. And she told me he is having a rough time with transitions (like forget about lining up after gym...running laps around the gym while everyone else lines up is more his style). She suggested we get an evaluation.

I sent a letter to an agency nearby that will come to the school to assess Andrew. They will observe him in the classroom and pull him out for a one on one assessment. After the assessment, this agency will recommend some next steps. The teacher told me that often they recommend a one-on-one tutor for a set number of hours a week to help kids like Andrew in the classroom. I imagine the tutor doing things like talk Andrew through how to line up, what to say to a friend, etc. etc.

Dave and I are on board with all of this. We feel like if Andrew needs help, then let's get him help. In a way I find this validating. Andrew is a handful and it's comforting to me to hear confirmation that he is indeed a handful. But, honestly, I wish he didn't need help. There is a very real part of me that wishes he was at the top of his class and had strong friend making skills.

I'm trying to take all of this a day at a time. And I'm trying not to blame myself. And I feel like, for the most part, I've been successful at those things. Being a mama is so hard. So heartbreaking. But, holy guacamole, I love that kid.


Mama V said...

We're here to back you up and support you, Mama. You're doing the right thing. Your love for that sweet boy always shows through.

That was a GREAT birthday party. And no one seemed to notice that your stop signs were pentagons instead of octagons. ;)

debs14 said...

OK, let's bear in mind that this is the first time Andrew has come up against some of these situations whereas a lot of these kids will have been at playgroup/nursery for at least a year. Andrew has had one on one attention all his life and now suddenly he has to realise that he has to take other people's instructions into consideration. He'll learn. Don't fret or beat yourself up about it. All kids are different and each has their own qualities and strengths.
Andrew has not needed to make friends out of strangers up until now, his loving friendly mum has provided him with ready made friends who are children of her friends. He's just playing catch up - he'll soon learn the new rules. Please don't worry.

Robyn said...

Thanks, Deb! You are a sweetheart!

Goes On Runs said...

being a mama IS hard! it is exhausting, thrilling, discouraging, encouraging, sanctifying, rewarding..... etc. all kids have their issues. my peanut has only had two days out of the first month of school without tears at drop off. we'll get there.... i hope.

Cat said...

I often get anxious about Jake's behavior/development. When my husband tells me to calm down, I sometimes answer that being a SAHM is my job and Jake is the "results" I get evaluated on... I know, I shouln't care about what other people think but I am the one who has raised him and if he has a problem, I'm the one responsible. Being a SAHM is very hard and we all do the best we can. I sometimes need to remember that I can't control everything, specially not another human being! Thank you for your post, very touching. (please keep us posted...)

JIW said...

I think getting him evaluated and then getting him the help he needs is the brave and important thing to do! Good job, Mama. and I think Debs is spot on...every single kid has their own strengths and weaknesses.

kate o. said...

i love how much your love for andrew shines through in this post.

and i am so obviously pregnant because not only did i have tears streaming down my face while reading this post, but i also got teary-eyed at one of your quilt posts ;)

Melissa said...

I've been thinking a lot about this ever since I first heard about it and after seeing you this weekend. I have so much respect for you as a mother. You are SUCH A GOOD MOTHER. From what I've heard from you, you seem to have the important balance of understanding that, yes, Andrew might grow out of the phase that he is in AND knowing that, yes, every child is born with the possibility of having and extra something that we need to look into.

When I worked at Landmark (a high school for kids w/ learning differences), so many of the kids I worked with barely made it through their younger years (socially, academically, and emotionally) many times because their parents were in complete denial that their child might need extra guidance, attention, or intervention. And for the ones who finally discovered that they had a learning difference (usually dyslexia or ADD, at Landmark), it was a relief for them to have it confirmed that they needed to learn differently than their peers.

Anyway, I'm not saying that Andrew does or does not have something that will be diagnosed later on. But when I worked at Landmark, I knew that, whenever I became a mother, I would do my best to recognize ANY possibility for the children I had and would find the best ways to work with that.

So all I'm saying is that you have a lot of courage to be open to possibilities.

Also, Andrew is SO CUTE! I loved watching him build very meticulous buildings in my kitchen the other night.

Robyn said...

Wow! Thanks, Melissa!