Friday, October 16, 2009
I frequently feel guilty about ridiculous things. Like letting my boys watch TV or play on the computer or drink lots of apple juice. I mean, I think all of those things are fine in moderation and not so great in excess. But I often find that, in the moment, I can't tell which category I fall into. Well, expect for the apple juice...I'm certain that we usually fall into the category of "excess".
Anyway, the other day when my friend called, Andrew decided that he would interrupt and distract and do whatever he could to inhibit any social interaction I might be trying to have. So, I put him on the computer.
And then I spent the rest of the phone call enjoying talking to my friend while feeling guilty that Andrew was on the computer and not doing something better. Like looking at books, or contemplating how flashlights work, or building something big and complicated.
And then something dawned on me. The moments when I am feeling guilty about being a bad parent, are probably some of Andrew's favorite moments. He loves being on the computer too much and watching too much TV and the more apple juice, the better. And for some reason, that eased the guilt a little. It made me not feel so bad.
And then my friend pointed out, that he also loves the moments when I feel like a good parent. Like when we make things or discover things or have real connections together.
Anyway, it all just felt good and balanced and normal.